have succeeded by sheer physical and mental strength in restraining her
from ruining herself. I was winning. I had made her frightened of me.
Had I gone on, I might have won. By dragging her out of bed in the
morning, by insisting upon her taking exercise, by regulating every
particle of food and drink she put into her mouth, I kept the little
beast in good condition for nearly three months. Then, I had to go away
into the country for a few days; she swore she would obey my
instructions. When I came back I found she had been in bed most of the
time, and had been living chiefly on chocolate and cakes. She was curled
up asleep in an easy-chair, snoring with her mouth wide open, when I
opened the door. And at sight of that picture the devil came to me and
tempted me. Why should I waste my time, wear myself out in mind and
body, that the man I loved should marry a pig because it looked like an
angel? 'Six months' wallowing according to its own desires would reveal
it in its true shape. So from that day I left it to itself. No, worse
than that--I don't want to spare myself--I encouraged her. I let her
have a fire in her bedroom, and half her meals in bed. I let her have
chocolate with tablespoonfuls of cream floating on the top: she loved it.
She was never really happy except when eating. I let her order her own
meals. I took a fiendish delight watching the dainty limbs turning to
shapeless fat, the pink-and-white complexion growing blotchy. It is
flesh that man loves; brain and mind and heart and soul! he never thinks
of them. This little pink-and-white sow could have cut me out with
Solomon himself. Why should such creatures have the world arranged for
them, and we not be allowed to use our brains in our own defence? But
for my looking-glass I might have resisted the temptation, but I always
had something of the man in me: the sport of the thing appealed to me. I
suppose it was the nervous excitement under which I was living that was
changing me. All my sap was going into my body. Given sufficient time,
I might meet her with her own weapons, animal against animal. Well, you
know the result: I won. There was no doubt about his being in love with
me. His eyes would follow me round the room, feasting on me. I had
become a fine animal. Men desired me, Do you know why I refused him? He
was in every way a better man than the silly boy I had fallen in love
with; but he came back with a couple of false t