Napoleon had made a rather lengthy detour from the line of march with a
detachment of officers. Arriving at a small village they refreshed
themselves with a good meal and baths. Napoleon, wishing to be shaved,
the village barber was called in. While the poor fellow strapped his
razor and passed it industriously over the great Emperor's chin, he
remained silent and seemingly melancholy, although performing his work
with amazing rapidity and smoothness. When he had finished, Napoleon
complimented him, remarking, "But, man, why do you wear such a
melancholy face? You should be happy to have the privilege of shaving an
Emperor."

"I am doubly happy, your Majesty."

"Then what is it that troubles you?"

"Alas, your Majesty, when I think of the Kings upon Kings and Emperors
that have died without knowing what it was to be shaved by me, I am sad
and melancholy."

"What did Washington mean when just, before the battle of Trenton he
said, 'Put none but Americans on guard to-night?'" asked an Irishman,
who was heatedly defending the valor of the Celtic race in general.
"I'll tell you what he meant! He meant, 'Let the Irish sleep; I've work
for them to-morrow.'"

BOBBY. "Mamma, I want you to crack me open."

MAMMA. "Why, my boy, what's the matter with you?"

BOBBY. "Papa said I was a bad egg. I don't believe it."

End of Project Gutenberg's Harper's Round Table, July 30, 1895, by Various

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