a dramatic census will show that a theatrical
population--if well marshalled by the stage manager--will double itself
in less than five minutes. These considerations, however, do not help us
in our difficulty, when we ask what has become of some 40,000 or 50,000
Russians that are wholly unaccounted for? We may be told in the usual
loose phraseology of the chronology of war that they have been "cut to
pieces." But before we can believe this dreadful assertion, we have a
right to demand the production of at least the "bits" into which the
Russians have either been smashed, chopped or beaten. Perhaps the most
plausible way of accounting for the slaughter of the thousands of
Russians whose remains are nowhere to be found is by the very natural
supposition that they were but giants of the imagination, manufactured
before they were slain by some literary TOM THUMB, who is "doing the
foreign correspondence" of some London journal in his lodgings at
Lambeth.

* * * * *

A CUP TOO MUCH.

We understand that PRINCE ALBERT has nothing whatever to do with the
movement got up by the (late) LORD MAYOR, and indeed HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS
has as much distaste for the baneful cup of adulation as he has for "the
poisoned CHALLIS."

* * * * *

AN ALARMING DISCOVERY.

Somebody is advertising every day an instrument warranted to "frighten
but not kill" the public in general. The terrific instrument is no less
than a Gong, which for 40 shillings will frighten a thief, will "appal a
burglar" for 60 shillings, and for the comparatively small matter of
four pounds will "alarm the country." We hope the Government will at
once put a prohibitory duty on these gongs, for it will be an awful
state of things if anybody may have it in his power to frighten the isle
from its propriety for eighty shillings. Unless something is immediately
done to check the danger that threatens us, there is no doubt that "Bang
goes the Gong" will become as great a nuisance as "Pop goes the Weasel."

* * * * *

TURTLE IN ECSTASIES.

Accounts from Honduras represent the turtle in the Bay as exhibiting
symptoms of extraordinary excitement; flapping their fins, paddling
about with unwonted rapidity, lifting themselves on end and dancing and
jumping out of the water; in short, realising the most vivid idea of
lively turtle. These symptoms of hilarity among the furnishers of gree