WARNING!

The ensuing work is a serious attempt to while away an idle hour. The
best criticism that the author received of "Her Ladyship's Elephant" was
from an old lady who wrote him that it had made her forget a toothache;
the most discouraging, from a critic who approached the book as _serious
literature_ and treated it according to the standards of _the higher
criticism_.

The author takes this occasion to state that he has never been guilty of
writing literature, serious or otherwise, and that if any one considers
this book a fit subject for the application of the higher criticism, he
will treat it as a just ground for an action for libel.

If the _minimum opus_ possesses an intrinsic value, it lies in the
explanation of the whereabouts of a Spanish gunboat, which, during our
late unpleasantness with Spain, the yellow journalists insisted was
patrolling the English Channel, in spite of the fact that the U. S.
Board of Strategy knew that every available ship belonging to that
nation was better employed somewhere else.

Should this _expose_ ruffle another English see, so much the worse for
the Bishop.

CONTENTS.

PART I.

_AMERICA_.

CHAPTER I.

PAGE

IN WHICH CECIL BANBOROUGH ACHIEVES FAME, AND THE "DAILY LEADER" A
"SCOOP" 3

CHAPTER II.

IN WHICH CECIL BANBOROUGH ATTEMPTS TO DRIVE PUBLIC OPINION 18

CHAPTER III.

IN WHICH CECIL BANBOROUGH DRIVES A BLACK MARIA 36

CHAPTER IV.

IN WHICH THE BLACK MARIA RECEIVES A NEW INMATE 54

CHAPTER V.

IN WHICH THE PARTY RECEIVES A NEW IMPETUS 72

CHAPTER VI.

IN WHICH THE BISHOP OF BLANFORD RECEIVES A BLACK EYE 92

CHAPTER VII.

IN WHICH A LINE IS DRAWN AND CROSSED 107

CHAPTER VIII.

IN WHICH A LOCKET IS ACCEPTED AND A RING REFUSED 131

PART II.

_ENGLAND_.

CHAPTER I.

IN WHICH MRS. MACKINTOSH ADMIRES JONAH 151

CHAPTER II.

IN WHICH THE ENEMY ARRIVES 173

CHAPTER III.

IN WHICH PEACE IS PROPOSED AND WAR DECLARED 198

CHAPTER IV.

IN WHICH THE BISHOP IS ABDUCTED 222

CHA