any point you don't agree with us, it is your duty to say so. If
in any situation we don't know what to do next we shall say so frankly
and ask you to help us.

"Now we are ready to begin. The first thing we must do is to get to know
each other as couples. The sooner we get well acquainted, the faster we
can move toward our goal."

Most of the first evening is devoted to the process of getting to know
each other. Our favorite method is to ask the couples to volunteer in
turn to be freely questioned by the group. We usually volunteer first,
and make it clear that we are prepared to answer the most personal
questions. We indicate at this point that we would like to be called by
our first names, and we hope the others will agree to do the same. The
questions then begin, and when there are no more, we ask another couple
to volunteer. We prefer not to go round the circle in order, or take
names alphabetically. Everything is done voluntarily as far as possible,
to encourage spontaneity.

Time goes quickly as the questions come thick and fast, and it is
usually necessary to limit the questioning, or to ask for brief answers.
It should be emphasized that the participants are free at any time to
ask each other personal questions; this understanding creates a climate
of openness which emphasizes the goal of communication-in-depth.

THE GROUP IN ACTION

Assembled again on Saturday morning, we begin by preparing our "rolling
agenda," as one of the trainee couples called it, in order to keep a
record of what the group members want to talk about. The aspects of
marriage they want to include for discussion before the weekend is over
gives us clues to the issues that are important to them. The list with
which one of our trainee couples started their retreat was:

What is the state of our marriage now? How have things changed
as our relationship has grown?

What are the memorable experiences in our lives that have
enriched our marriage?

What have we found to be the most effective ways of handling
conflict?

What do we feel about a depth relationship between one of us
and another person outside the marriage?

Have we found ways of sharing that have contributed to our
spiritual growth?

We ask the group members if they have any "concerns" explaining that if
members of the group feel unhappy, or anxious, or angry, about anything
that has happened, they have a duty to share their fee