od health, long
life, contentment. Contentment, sure. Continued irritation--a sour
disposition resulting in excess flow of bile--did not provide just the
sort of environment in which they cared to bring up the kiddies.
Smoking? No. It wasn't healthy. Alcohol? Well, they were willing to
declare a national holiday now and then. Within reason.

Which, as I already knew, meant two to four shots once or twice a week.

Sex? Themselves, they didn't have any. "But," they told me with an
attitude of broad tolerance, "we want to be fair. We will not interfere
with you in this matter--other than to assist you in the use of sound
judgment in the selection of a partner."

_But_ I shouldn't feel that any of this was in any way real restrictive.
It was merely practical common sense.

For observing it I would get their valuable advice and assistance in
all phases of my life. I would enjoy--or have, anyway--perfect health.
My life, if that's what it was, would be extended by better than 100
years. "You are fortunate," they pointed out, a little smugly I
thought, "that we, unlike your race, are conservationists in the truest
sense. Far from despoiling our homeland and laying waste its resources
and natural scenic wonders, we will improve it."

I had to be careful because, as they explained it, even a small nick
with a razor might wipe out an entire suburban family.

"But fellows! I want to live my own life."

"Come now. Please remember that you are not alone now."

"Aw, fellows. Look, I'll get a dog, lots of dogs--fine purebreds, not
mongrels like me. The finest. I'll pamper them. They'll live like
kings.... Wouldn't you consider moving?"

"Out of the question."

"An elephant then? Think of the space, the room for the kids to
play----"

"Never."

"Damn it! Take me to--no, I mean let me talk to your leader."

That got me no place. It seemed I was already talking to their highest
government councils. All of my suggestions were considered, debated,
voted on--and rejected.

They were democratic, they said. They counted my vote in favor; but
that was just one vote. Rather a small minority.

As I suppose I should have figured, my thoughts were coming through
over a period that was, to them, equal to weeks. They recorded them,
accelerated them, broadcast them all around, held elections and
recorded replies to be played back to me at my own slow tempo by the
time I had a new thought ready. No, they wouldn't take time to let