every minute of every day.
There was no way of knowing--"

"Of course not!" Stanton cut in angrily. "But I should have been there
_this_ time. He wanted me there, and I was gone. If I'd been there, he'd
be alive at this moment."

"Possibly," Yoritomo said, "and then again, possibly not. Sit down over
there on your bed, my young friend, and listen to me. Sit! That's it.
Take a deep breath, hold it, and relax. I want your ears functioning
when I talk to you. That's better.

"Now. I do not know where you went. That is your business. All you--"

"I went to Denver," Stanton said.

"And you found?"

"Nothing," Stanton said. "Absolutely nothing."

"What were you looking for?"

"I don't know. Something about my past. Something about myself. I don't
know."

"Ah. You went to look up your family. You were trying to fill the holes
in your memory. Eh?"

"Yes."

"And you did not succeed."

"No. No. There wasn't anything there that I didn't remember. In general,
I mean. I found the files in the Bureau of Statistics. I know how my
father died now, and how my mother died. And what happened to my
brother. But all that didn't tell me anything. I'm still looking for
something, and I don't know what it is. I was stupid to have gone. I
suppose I should have asked you or Dr. Farnsworth or the colonel."

"But you thought we wouldn't answer," Yoritomo said.

"I guess that's about it. I should have asked you."

Yoritomo shook his head. "Not necessarily. It was actually better that
you looked for yourself. Besides, we could not have given you any answer
if you yourself do not know the question. We still can't."

"I have a feeling," Stanton said, "that you know the question as well as
the answer."

"Perhaps. Perhaps not. But there are some things that every man must
find out for himself. You were right to do as you did. If you had asked
Colonel Mannheim for permission, he would have let you go. He would not
have asked you to go to Government City with him. We--"

"That's the whole damned trouble!" Stanton snapped. "I'm the star
boarder around here, the indispensable man. So I'm babied and I'm
coddled, and when I goof off I'm patted on the back."

"And just how did you goof off?" Yoritomo asked.

"I should have been here, ready to go with the colonel."

"Very well. Suppose you had gone. Do you think you could have saved his
life? He could have saved his own life if he'd wanted to. Instead, he
specifically ordered the gua