tray. I
find you someting better as dot. Kitty Cleary has a room--you don't know
Kitty? Vell, you ought to begin right avay. Dot's vun voman you don't
ever see again. She vas in here last night, after you left, looking for
her man Mike. She take you for five dollars a veek, maybe, and you get
good tings to eat and you get Kitty besides, and dot is vorth more
as ten dollars. She lives across de street--you can see one of her
vagons--dot big vite horse is hers, and she love dot horse as much as
she love her husband John and her boy Bobby, all but dot fool dog of
Bobby's, she don't love him. You go over dere and tell her I sent you."

The stranger had relighted his pipe, and was watching the dealer
clutching nervously at his spectacles, pushing them far up on his
forehead, only to readjust them again on his nose. He had begun to
detect behind the fat, round face of the thrifty shopkeeper a certain
kindly quality. "And who may this remarkable lady be, this Mrs. Cleary?"
he inquired.

"She ain't no lady. She is better as a hundert ladies--she is joost a
plain vomans who keeps a express office over dere--Cleary's Express. You
don't know it? Vell, dot's your fault. Dot's her boy Bobby outside
de door. He has been up vid his fadder to de Grand Central for some
sideboards and sofas I been buyin'. You vant to look at 'em ven dey
git unloaded. They joost ready to fall to pieces, and if I patch 'em up
nobody don't buy 'em. Vot I do is to leave 'em out on de sidewalk for a
veek or two and let de dirt and rain get on 'em, den somebody come along
and say: 'Dot is genuine. You can see right avay how olt dot is. Dot
is because de bottom is out of de sofas, and de back of de behind of de
sideboard is busted. So den I get fifty dollars more for repairin' my
own furniture. Ain't dot funny? And ven I send it home dey say: 'Oh,
ain't dot beautiful! You ought to have seen dot ven I bought it of old
Kling! You vouldn't give two dollars for it. All he did vas to scrape
it down and revarnish it--and now it is joost as good as new.' Ain't
dot funny? Vy, sometimes I have to holt on to my sides for fear dey vill
split vid my laughter, and my two German mens dey stuff dere fingers
in dere mouths so de customers can't hear. And all de backs new, and de
legs made outer udder legs, and de handles I get across at de hardvare
store! Oh, I tell you, it's funny! But you know all about it. Maybe you
vunce keep a place yourself?"

"No, never."

"VOT!"