begs to inform him
that he is a hundred and eighteen marks behind Tempest, and trusts he
will in future obey the house captain, to whom all applications for
_exeats_ and extra leave are to be addressed. Crofter need not trouble
to reply, as the club only desires to have communication with the cock
of the house."

This done, I was ordered to take the chair as the new president, and
called upon the secretary to read the minutes.

These were short and to the point,--

"'A general meeting of the Conversation Club was held on Monday in the
Examination Hall. With his usual mulishness, Sarah thought he'd have a
cut in, and it was resolved to give him a chance. Thanks to the
drivelling idiotcy of Warminster, who doesn't even know the feminine
genitive of _corpus_, he scraped through; and, as he couldn't do much
worse than Coxhead, he did a shade better.'"

"All very well," growled Coxhead, "he did a jolly sight better than
you."

"'Coxhead, who is hereby expelled for using slang, was, as usual, down
with the paupers at the bottom. A town cad called Brown, who managed to
conceal his cribs, came out first, and it was decided to tack Sarah on
to him. Trimble, as might be expected, came a cropper in his English
grammar--'"

"A cram! They never examined us in it!"

"There you are; you don't even know it when you see it--'came a cropper
in his English grammar.'"

"I tell you I didn't," expostulated Trimble. "Shut up."

"Shut what up?"

"Yourself."

"Come and shut me."

A warm argument ensued, which knocked over the table, and was only
composed by my reminding the club that we didn't want to disturb the
peace of the new cock of the house on his first night.

"All right," said Langrish, "where was I?--'English grammar. Purkis,
not having paid his subscription, naturally came out too low to be
classed, but to give him a lift he was allowed to be stuck in between
Trim and Coxhead, who being outsiders at the best of times, had plenty
of room for another.'"

"All very well--what sort of howler did _you_ come?" asked the outraged
Purkis.

"'It being considered well to stick one Selkirker into the list, the
hon. secretary made room for Corderoy, and is hereby thanked on his
retirement.'"

"Hullo!" said I, "don't say that, Langrish."

"Fact is," said Langrish, dropping the minutes, "I've got to. I've gone
down, you see."

"Oh, but you've worked like a cart-horse. I move, Trim seconds,
Warminster thirds, C