Oliver Twist is nothing compared to that adopted in public
schools. People may say what they will of the beneficial effect which it
produces on the minds of those who are subjected to it-- we contend that
to breed a gentleman's son up like a _tiger_ is the readiest way to make
a _beast_ of him.

Hei! and vae! alas, are joined to a dative case, as

Hei mihi quod nullis amor est medicabilis herbis:

Woe is me that love is curable by no herbs.

[Plate:
HEU! MISERANDE PUER!]

Ovid never would have said that, if he had smoked a cigar or chewed
tobacco. The ancients believed that love might be excited by certain
articles taken from the vegetable kingdom. Why then should it be
considered impossible to allay the same feeling in a similar manner?
Every bane has its corresponding antidote; if so, there may be physic
even for a philter. And for the pangs which a _virgin_ has inflicted,
what remedy could be prescribed more reasonable than the _Virginian_
weed;-- besides, love generally ends in smoke.

[Illustration: A CURE FOR THE HEARTACHE.]

Vae misero capiti, madefacto, saepe fenestrae
Imbribus immundis, Lydia cara, tuae:

Woe to my wretched head, often wetted, dear
Lydia, by the unclean showers of your window.

This would be a proper place for introducing a few remarks on the
ancient mode of serenading; which we are prevented from doing by the
very imperfect state of our present information on this interesting
point. It is, however, pretty generally admitted that the Romans always
took care to provide themselves with an umbrella on these occasions,
and this for a reason which the above distich will have rendered
sufficiently obvious. It appears to us that so salutary a precaution is
well worthy of being sometimes adopted in these modern days-- and with
this hint we conclude the Syntax.

+PROSODY.+

[Transcriber's Note:

As explained at the beginning of the e-text, vowels with macron ("long"
mark) are shown as CAPITALS, while vowels with breve ("short" mark) are
shown in {braces}. Long vowels that are already capitalized (very rare)
are shown in [brackets].]

All you that bards of note would be,
Must study well your Prosody.

As Comparative Anatomy teaches what the sound of a cod-fish is; so
Prosody teaches what is the sound of syllables.

Sound and quantity mean the same thing; though how that fact is to be
reconciled with the proverb, "great _cry_ and little _wool_," we do not