ho is in the army, and with the anathema
of society because I said if I could possibly do anything for Mr.
Biddle--at a distance--(he is sick) I would like to very much. Charlie
thinks we have acted shockingly in helping Colonel McMillan, and that
we will suffer for it when the Federals leave. I would like to see any
_man_ who _dared_ harm my father's daughter! But as he seems to think
our conduct reflects on him, there is no alternative. Die, poor men,
without a woman's hand to close your eyes! We women are too _patriotic_
to help you! I look eagerly on, cry in my soul, "I wish--"; you die;
God judges me. Behold the woman who dares not risk private ties for
God's glory and her professed religion! Coward, helpless woman that I
am! If I was free--!

June 17th.

Yesterday, and day before, boats were constantly arriving and troops
embarking from here, destined for Vicksburg. There will be another
fight, and of course it will fall. I wish Will was out of it; I don't
want him to die. I got the kindest, sweetest letter from Will when
Miriam came from Greenwell. It was given to her by a guerrilla on the
road who asked if she was not Miss Sarah Morgan.

June 18th.

How long, O how long, is it since I have lain down in peace, thinking,
"This night I will rest in safety"? Certainly not since the fall of
Fort Jackson. If left to myself, I would not anticipate evil, but would
quietly await the issue of all these dreadful events; but when I hear
men, who certainly should know better than I, express their belief that
in twenty-four hours the town will be laid in ashes, I begin to grow
uneasy, and think it must be so, since they say it. These last few
days, since the news arrived of the intervention of the English and
French, I have alternately risen and fallen from the depth of despair
to the height of delight and expectation, as the probability of another
exodus diminishes, and peace appears more probable. If these men would
not prophesy the burning of the city, I would be perfectly
satisfied....

Well! I packed up a few articles to satisfy my conscience, since these
men insist that another run is inevitable, though against my own
conviction. I am afraid I was partly influenced by my dream last night
of being shelled out unexpectedly and flying without saving an article.
It was the same dream I had a night or tw