any chest of
drawers, the old secretary, the four-post bedstead, the haircloth
trunk, the oak book-case, the corn-husk rocker, the cuckoo clock, the
Dutch cabinet--yes, each blessed piece has already had its place
assigned to it, even to the old red cricket which Miss Anna Rice sent
me from her Connecticut home twelve years ago. I am indeed the most
fortunate of men; for who but my Alice _could_ be so sweet and
self-abnegatory as to take upon her own dear little shoulders the
burden of responsibilities that elsewise would weigh upon her husband?

VIII

THE VANDALS BEGIN THEIR WORK

At the regular April meeting of the Lake Shore Society of Antiquarians
I met my old and valued friend, Belville Rock, and told him of the
important venture which Alice had made. He seemed greatly pleased at
the prospect of our having a home of our own, and after making careful
inquiries into the extent and character of the improvements we
contemplated he bade me tell Alice that he wanted to pay the bill for
the painting of the exterior of the house. "I desire to do somewhat
toward beautifying your premises," said he, "and I don't know that I
can do better than to paint the house. You understand, of course, that
my long and intimate acquaintance with you and Alice warrants me in
proposing as a friendly act what elsewise might be regarded as an
impertinence."

I hastened to assure Mr. Rock that both Alice and I knew him to be
utterly incapable of any word or deed that could by any means be
misconstrued into an impertinence. We had known this amiable gentleman
for the period of twenty years. It was he who proposed me for
membership of the Lake Shore Society of Antiquarians, and it was he who
provided the means wherewith I published my first book, entitled "A
Critical View of the Causes of Eclamptic and Traumatic Idiocy."

This was at the time in my career when I supposed I had good reason to
believe that all human mental and physical ills are directly traceable
to the influence of the moon, which theory was suggested to me by the
discovery that cabbages thrive when planted in the first quarter of the
moon and invariably pine when planted in the full of the moon. I am
still more or less of a believer in this theory, and it is my purpose
to renew my investigations and experiments in this direction,
particularly so far as cabbages are involved, for I mean to have a
kitchen garden (with Alice's permission) as soon as we move into