nt and with Providence that I should be the first writer of
my day. But at other times, while my parents were growing impatient
at seeing me loiter behind instead of following them, my actual life,
instead of seeming an artificial creation by my father, and one which he
could modify as he chose, appeared, on the contrary, to be comprised in
a larger reality which had not been created for my benefit, from whose
judgments there was no appeal, in the heart of which I was bound,
helpless, without friend or ally, and beyond which no further
possibilities lay concealed. It was evident to me then that I existed in
the same manner as all other men, that I must grow old, that I must die
like them, and that among them I was to be distinguished merely as one
of those who have no aptitude for writing. And so, utterly despondent, I
renounced literature for ever, despite the encouragements that had been
given me by Bloch. This intimate, spontaneous feeling, this sense of the
nullity of my intellect, prevailed against all the flattering speeches
that might be lavished upon me, as a wicked man, when everyone is loud
in the praise of his good deeds, is gnawed by the secret remorse of
conscience.

One day my mother said: "You are always talking about Mme. de
Guermantes. Well, Dr. Percepied did a great deal for her when she was
ill, four years ago, and so she is coming to Combray for his daughter's
wedding. You will be able to see her in church." It was from Dr.
Percepied, as it happened, that I had heard most about Mme. de
Guermantes, and he had even shewn us the number of an illustrated paper
in which she was depicted in the costume which she had worn at a fancy
dress ball given by the Princesse de Leon.

Suddenly, during the nuptial mass, the beadle, by moving to one side,
enabled me to see, sitting in a chapel, a lady with fair hair and a
large nose, piercing blue eyes, a billowy scarf of mauve silk, glossy
and new and brilliant, and a little spot at the corner of her nose. And
because on the surface of her face, which was red, as though she had
been very warm, I could make out, diluted and barely perceptible,
details which resembled the portrait that had been shewn to me; because,
more especially, the particular features which I remarked in this lady,
if I attempted to catalogue them, formulated themselves in precisely the
same terms:--_a large nose, blue eyes_, as Dr. Percepied had used when
describing in my presence the Duchesse d