MERCURY, AMPHITRYON

MERC. Since love does not offer me any pleasure here, I will at least
enjoy myself in another way, and enliven my dismal leisure by putting
Amphitron out of all patience. This may not be very charitable in a
God; but I shall not bother myself about that; my planet tells me I am
somewhat given to malice.

AMPH. How is it that the door is closed at this hour?

MERC. Hullo! Gently, gently! Who knocks?

AMPH. I.

MERC. Who, I?

AMPH. Ah! Open.

MERC. What do you mean by 'open'? Who are you, pray, to make such a row,
and speak like that?

AMPH. So? You do not know me?

MERC. No, nor have I the least wish to.

AMPH. Is every one losing his senses today? Is the malady spreading?
Sosie! Hullo, Sosie!

MERC. Come, now! Sosie: that is my name; are you afraid I shall forget
it?

AMPH. Do you see me?

MERC. Well enough. What can possess your arm to make such an uproar?
What do you want down there?

AMPH. I, you gallows-bird! What do I want?

MERC. What do you not want then? Speak, if you want to be understood.

AMPH. Listen, you villain: I will come up with a stick to make you
understand, and give you a fine lesson. How dare you speak to me like
that?

MERC. Softly, softly! If you make the least attempt to create an uproar,
I shall send you down some messengers who will annoy you.

AMPH. Oh Heavens! Did anyone ever conceive such insolence? And from a
servant, from a beggar?

MERC. Come, now! What is the matter? Have you gone over everything
correctly? Have your big eyes taken everything in? He glares, so savage
he looks! If looks could bite, he would have torn me to shreds by now.

AMPH. I tremble at what you are bringing upon yourself with all this
impudent talk. What a frightful storm you are brewing for yourself! What
a tempest of blows will storm down on your back!

MERC. If you do not soon disappear from here, my friend, you may come in
for some mauling.

AMPH. Ah! You villain, you shall know to your confusion what it is for a
valet to attack his master.

MERC. You, my master?

AMPH. Yes, rascal. Do you dare to say you do not recognise me?

MERC. I do not recognise any other master than Amphitryon.

AMPH. And who, besides myself, may this Amphitryon be?

MERC. Amphitryon?

AMPH. Certainly.

MERC. Ah! What an illusion! Come, tell me in what decent tavern you have
addled your brain?

AMPH. What? Again?

MERC. Was it a feast-day wine?

AMPH. Heavens!

MERC. Wa