was paid to the tune of two
hundred thalers, and I sallied forth a free man. But what was I to do
with myself? In my dilemma I had recourse to this Heintze, who was a
young scapegrace, and the sort of man who could speak and write three
languages. At first I acted as his secretary, at a salary of thirty
gulden a month, but afterwards I became his lacquey, for the reason
that he could not afford to keep a secretary--only an unpaid servant. I
had nothing else to turn to, so I remained with him, and allowed myself
to become his flunkey. But by stinting myself in meat and drink I
saved, during my five months of service, some seventy gulden; and one
evening, when we were at Baden, I told him that I wished to resign my
post, and then hastened to betake myself to roulette.

Oh, how my heart beat as I did so! No, it was not the money that I
valued--what I wanted was to make all this mob of Heintzes, hotel
proprietors, and fine ladies of Baden talk about me, recount my story,
wonder at me, extol my doings, and worship my winnings. True, these
were childish fancies and aspirations, but who knows but that I might
meet Polina, and be able to tell her everything, and see her look of
surprise at the fact that I had overcome so many adverse strokes of
fortune. No, I had no desire for money for its own sake, for I was
perfectly well aware that I should only squander it upon some new
Blanche, and spend another three weeks in Paris after buying a pair of
horses which had cost sixteen thousand francs. No, I never believed
myself to be a hoarder; in fact, I knew only too well that I was a
spendthrift. And already, with a sort of fear, a sort of sinking in my
heart, I could hear the cries of the croupiers--"Trente et un, rouge,
impair et passe," "Quarte, noir, pair et manque." How greedily I gazed
upon the gaming-table, with its scattered louis d'or, ten-gulden
pieces, and thalers; upon the streams of gold as they issued from the
croupier's hands, and piled themselves up into heaps of gold
scintillating as fire; upon the ell--long rolls of silver lying around
the croupier. Even at a distance of two rooms I could hear the chink of
that money--so much so that I nearly fell into convulsions.

Ah, the evening when I took those seventy gulden to the gaming table
was a memorable one for me. I began by staking ten gulden upon passe.
For passe I had always had a sort of predilection, yet I lost my stake
upon it. This left me with sixty gulden in