the rockbound coast and
became churned into foam. How stern and pitiless nature was, how
careless of all human joys or sorrows! It was well I had my dying
father's assurance that God was love, or I could never have believed it
then. To me there was an almighty devil ruling the universe. A being
who hated us, and sought our destruction.

I was however glad of the storm. It helped me. I had to resist, to
exert myself. It gave play to my active nature; it kept me from
succumbing to the dark cloud of sorrow in which I was enveloped.

I know not how, nor can I tell the exact moment when the decision was
made; but, in the end, I decided to leave the old homestead and to give
Ruth happiness. I claim no virtue for my act. There was not much in
it after all. I should never be happy if I remained at home; nay,
Trewinion Manor would be hell to me, while spectres that I should
constantly be raising would haunt my life. Besides, I might find some
relief away. I would go, I would roam the world all over, and,
perhaps, away from the scene of my misery, I should find peace. My
heart was breaking, and it was not worth while for me to add misery to
that which was already felt by those by whom I was surrounded.

It may be said by those who read this that my act was one of great
self-denial; but if it was it brought none of that peace and inward
satisfaction which are said to come from such deeds. My misery, if
possible, became more intense, and the storm seemed to mock me with
shrieks and howls of derision.

With a great weight on my heart I crept back to the house, and slowly
went to my room. When should I go?

"To-morrow" was the response of my weaker nature. "Get a good night's
rest, make an impressive scene before Ruth, and go away with a flourish
of trumpets." But that would not do. I doubt whether I could have had
the heart to go away in the daylight if I saw Ruth near me. Besides, I
did not want to go away openly; I would leave in secret, when no eye
should see me, and when no one should be able to trace me. When should
I go?

"Now!"

That was the answer of my stronger and sterner nature. Leave in the
night, alone, and at once. Never look at the sweet face of Elizabeth
and Katherine, never be weakened by the beauty of Ruth, never be shaken
in my resolve by the patronising pride of Wilfred or the unloving look
of my mother. Delay would be dangerous. On the one hand were
influences leading me to stay