ek of Mrs. Grundy pale,
Don't be lured by pretty faces or by dainty airs and graces
That entrap the unsophisticated male.
No, look out for what is vital, transcendental,
And ask yourself, before you choose your wife,
"Is she wholly unalluring, elemental
But arresting in her attitude to life?"

In fine if you believe in self-expression
And disdain to be a law-abiding man,
You must cultivate a hobby of insulting ev'ry bobby
Whenever you conveniently can.
You'll find him quite impervious to jesting,
But he has another less attractive side,
Elemental, unalluring and arresting
When his patience is intolerably tried.

* * * * *

SECURITY.

"It's got to be," I said.

I must have been thinking aloud, for Joyce said quickly--

"What's got to be?"

"The silver," I said.

"It doesn't sound sensible," said Joyce.

"It isn't," I said, "at all sensible, but it's inevitable."

"What's inevitable?"

"That about the silver," I said.

"But you didn't say anything about the silver, except that it's got to be."

"Well, it's got to be--hypothecated."

"What's that?"

"I mean," I said, "that I'm--er--temporarily embarrassed, and the silver
has got to be made security for a loan--pawned, in fact--so that I can pay
the balance of the rent and catch up with my outgoings. Is that clearly
put?"

"Perfectly; but we can't spare the silver just now. The Armisteads are
coming to tea on Friday."

"But," I protested, "you don't understand. We don't keep a valuable stud of
silver tea-things for the Armisteads' amusement, but for our own, and
as--er--collateral." I was sure this would be beyond Joyce.

"But what am I to do?"

"Call out the reserves," I said.

"But they're such a mixed lot," said Joyce. "I should be ashamed of having
anyone to tea with them."

"Better," I said, "than having the bailiffs to dine and sleep."

"Ugh," said Joyce, "is it as bad as that?"

"It is," I said, "and all because Short won't send that cheque on account
of royalties till I've made some alterations to the last chapter. Our
landlord is becoming unmanageable. Besides," I said, "I hear there have
been one or two burglaries in this road lately, so the silver will be
safer."

"Look here," said Joyce, who declined to be scared by the idea of burglars.
"To-day's Tuesday. Wait till Thursday. Something's sure to turn up."

"Yes," I said, "a bailiff. But I'll wait till t