decrepit men and women, that sexual
intercourse is for the purpose of propagation only. That only when a
child is wanted is the relation permissible; at all other times it is
a sin, an "act of prostitution," an offense in the eyes of God, etc.,
etc. Of course if the wife has such ideas the husband deserves little
sympathy. A man should know what ideas the woman entertains whom he is
going to make his wife and the mother of his children. But,
unfortunately, this, the most important subject of sex and sexuality,
is never touched upon by the engaged couple (it would be so
indelicate!), and after they are married they often find themselves at
opposite poles. Here also a good heart-to-heart talk will do a world
of good. I have had several such cases where a little conversation or
even a letter saved the couple from disruption.

In many cases the cause of refusal is fear of pregnancy. In this case
the wife is right. But the remedy is simple: give her full instruction
in the use of contraceptive measures. Other causes are: excessive
masturbation, vaginismus, local malformation, inflammation, etc. But
whatever the causes of the wife's "bad behavior" may be, they are all
amenable to treatment. Some need medical treatment, some psychic
treatment, and some nothing but just a common-sense, heart-to-heart
talk.

And I would emphasize: Do not repel your husbands when they ask for
sexual favors--at least do not repel them too often. Households in
which relations are had rather frequently and in which the wives lend
their full and eager participation are happier households than those
in which the sexual act is indulged in rarely, and with grumbling and
side-remarks on the part of the wife.

But of course you should not go to the other extreme either. You
should not make too frequent demands upon your husband. With a man the
act means a good deal more than it does with a woman; it entails a
great deal more of physical and mental exhaustion, and a wife who is
unreasonable in this respect is sowing the seeds of discord and
unhappiness. She is sacrificing the future to the present. The husband
is apt to become afflicted with satiety or impotence--and the wife may
have to lead a life of continence for much longer than she would have
had to if she had been moderate. In no department of life is
moderation so important as in sex life. Non-use, insufficient use and
excessive use are all bad. A mutually joyful, eager and moderately
frequent