of heresy. He
would not deal with the question of the Deity of Jesus as a question for
argument; he reminded me: "You are speaking of your judge," when I
pressed some question. The mere suggestion of an imperfection in Jesus'
character made him shudder in positive pain, and he checked me with
raised hand, and the rebuke: "You are blaspheming; the very thought is a
terrible sin". I asked him if he could recommend to me any books which
would throw light on the subject: "No, no, you have read too much
already. You must pray; you must pray." Then, as I said that I could not
believe without proof, I was told: "Blessed are they that have not seen,
and yet have believed," and my further questioning was checked by the
murmur: "O my child, how undisciplined! how impatient!". Truly, he must
have found in me--hot, eager, passionate in my determination to know,
resolute not to profess belief while belief was absent--but very little
of that meek, chastened, submissive spirit to which he was accustomed in
the penitents wont to seek his counsel as their spiritual guide. In vain
did he bid me pray as though I believed; in vain did he urge the duty of
blind submission to the authority of the Church, of yielding, unreasoning
faith, which received but questioned not. He had no conception of the
feelings of the sceptical spirit; his own faith was solid as a rock--
firm, satisfied, unshakeable; he would as soon have committed suicide as
have doubted of the infallibility of the "Universal Church".

"It is not your duty to ascertain the truth," he told me sternly. "It is
your duty to accept and to believe the truth as laid down by the Church;
at your peril you reject it; the responsibility is not yours so long as
you dutifully accept that which the Church has laid down for your
acceptance. Did not the Lord promise that the presence of the Spirit
should be ever with his Church, to guide her into all truth?"

"But the fact of the promise and its value are the very points on which I
am doubtful," I answered.

He shuddered. "Pray, pray," he said. "Father, forgive her, for she knows
not what she says."

It was in vain I urged that I had everything to gain and nothing to lose
by following his directions, but that it seemed to me that fidelity to
truth forbade a pretended acceptance of that which was not believed.

"Everything to lose? Yes, indeed. You will be lost for time and lost for
eternity."

"Lost or not," I rejoined, "I must and will