erything, that every painful
impression was multiplied by my diseased sensibility, and an atrocious
fear of life took possession of me. I was without passions, without
ambitions; I resolved to sacrifice possible joys in order to avoid sure
sorrows. Existence is short, but I made up my mind to spend it in
the service of others, in relieving their troubles and enjoying their
happiness. Having no direct experience of either one or the other, I
should only experience a milder form of emotion.

"And if you only knew how, in spite of this, misery tortures me, ravages
me! But what would formerly have been an intolerable affliction has
become commiseration, pity.

"These sorrows which cross my path at every moment, I could not endure
if they affected me directly. I could not have seen one of my children
die without dying myself. And I have, in spite of everything, preserved
such a mysterious, overwhelming fear of events that the sight of the
postman entering my house makes a shiver pass every day through my
veins, and yet I have nothing to be afraid of now."

The Abbe Mauduit ceased speaking. He stared into the fire in the huge
grate, as if he saw there mysterious things, all the unknown of the
existence he might have passed had he been more fearless in the face of
suffering.

He added, then, in a subdued tone:

"I was right. I was not made for this world."

The comtesse said nothing at first; but at length, after a long silence,
she remarked:

"For my part, if I had not my grandchildren, I believe I would not have
the courage to live."

And the cure rose up without saying another word.

As the servants were asleep in the kitchen, she accompanied him herself
to the door, which looked out on the garden, and she saw his tall
shadow, lit up by the reflection of the lamp, disappearing through the
gloom of night.

Then she came back and sat down before the fire, and pondered over many
things we never think of when we are young.

FORGIVENESS

She had been brought up in one of those families who live entirely to
themselves, apart from all the rest of the world. Such families know
nothing of political events, although they are discussed at table; for
changes in the Government take place at such a distance from them that
they are spoken of as one speaks of a historical event, such as the
death of Louis XVI or the landing of Napoleon.

Customs are modified in course of time, fashions succeed one another,
but such