went there. I carried the
grip, and we walked in, and I was pleased to see that the chief had
got together that same old crowd of moneybugs with pink faces and
white vests to see us march in. I set the grip on the table. 'There's
the money,' I said.

"'And your prisoner?' said the chief.

"I pointed to Mr. Wahrfield, and he stepped forward and says:

"'The honour of a word with you, sir, to explain.'

"He and the chief went into another room and stayed ten minutes. When
they came back the chief looked as black as a ton of coal.

"'Did this gentleman,' he says to me, 'have this valise in his
possession when you first saw him?'

"'He did,' said I.

"The chief took up the grip and handed it to the prisoner with a
bow, and says to the director crowd: 'Do any of you recognize this
gentleman?'

"They all shook their pink faces.

"'Allow me to present,' he goes on, Senor Miraflores, president of
the republic of Anchuria. The senor has generously consented to
overlook this outrageous blunder, on condition that we undertake
to secure him against the annoyance of public comment. It is a
concession on his part to overlook an insult for which he might claim
international redress. I think we can gratefully promise him secrecy
in the matter.'

"They gave him a pink nod all round.

"'O'Day,' he says to me. 'As a private detective you're wasted.
In a war, where kidnapping governments is in the rules, you'd be
invaluable. Come down to the office at eleven.'

"I knew what that meant.

"'So that's the president of the monkeys,' says I. 'Well, why
couldn't he have said so?'

"Wouldn't it jar you?"

XVIII

THE VITAGRAPHOSCOPE

Vaudeville is intrinsically episodic and discontinuous. Its audiences
do not demand denouements. Sufficient unto each "turn" is the evil
thereof. No one cares how many romances the singing comedienne may
have had if she can capably sustain the limelight and a high note or
two. The audiences reck not if the performing dogs get to the pound
the moment they have jumped through their last hoop. They do not
desire bulletins about the possible injuries received by the comic
bicyclist who retires head-first from the stage in a crash of
(property) china-ware. Neither do they consider that their seat
coupons entitle them to be instructed whether or no there is a
sentiment between the lady solo banjoist and the Irish monologist.

Therefore let us have no lifting of the curtain upon a tableau of