course a
few thousands went where I thought they'd do most good. A fellow who'd
keep his hands in his pockets when help is so badly needed would be a
queer animal. But I've enough to live on and smoke decent tobacco. I
think I'll take a small bachelor apartment in New York, to come to when
I get the horrors. I'll spend the rest of the time in the country, a
good way off. I'll read books, yes, even yours, and, perhaps, learn to
sit around with a crowd, near a grocery stove, and discuss potatoes and
truck. Hang it all! There's always something a fellow can do!"

"My dear Gordon," I began, "I don't see----"

"Oh, shut up, Dave, I know all the things one can say to a cripple.
What's the use? Some fellows on board asked me to dine with them this
evening at Delmonico's, and I damned them up and down. Sat for eight
mortal days at the dining-table on the ship, with an infernal female on
each side of me; they'd quarrel as to which of them would cut my meat
for me. It's enough for a fellow to go dotty. Sometimes I wouldn't go
and had things served in my cabin so the steward would do the cutting.
Understand, I'm not kicking. Hang it all, man, I'm not even sorry I
went! The chaps I helped out were probably worth it. Great old
experience trying to make fifty miles an hour with a fellow inside
bleeding to death, I can tell you. I've seen enough of it to have
learned that a man's life doesn't amount to much. Any old thing will do
for me now."

I was appalled. All this had but one meaning. He was eating his heart
out, try as he might to conceal it. To him, his art had been chiefly a
means to an end; he had made it the servant of his desires. And now it
was getting back at him, it was revenging itself, appearing infinitely
desirable for its own sake. He would miss it as a man misses the dead
woman, who has held his heart in the hollow of her hand; he was raging
at the helplessness that had come upon him. And all this he translated
into his usual cynicism. I would have given anything to have seen him
break down and weep, so that I might have put my arm around his
shoulders and sought to comfort him with love and affection.

We got out at the big building, and he nodded to the colored boy who
stood at the door of the elevator, as if he had been gone but a day. On
the landing he sought again to pull out his keys, but I touched the
electric button and the old woman's steps hurried to the door.

"How are you?" he said, and brushed past