efects in the guns, torpedo-tubes, searchlights, or electrical
fittings; defects anywhere and everywhere, even in the galley-stove
funnel or the wardroom pantry. Mother has a large family and their
ailments are very varied and diverse. But she competes with them all
and, save in cases of very severe damage, rarely confesses the job to
be beyond her powers and has to send her troublesome child to a
dockyard.

* * * * *

But this is not all she does. If Spud Murphy, able seaman of a
destroyer, carves the top off his finger or complains of "'orrible
pains in th' stummick," he is sent to mother to be nursed back to
health by her doctors. If Peter Jones imagines he has not received the
pay to which he is entitled, if he wishes to remit a monthly sum to his
wife, or if he desires to become the possessor of a pair of boots, a
tooth-brush, and a pair of new trousers, mother will oblige him.
Moreover, the fond parent distributes the mails and supplies the beef,
vegetables, bread, rum, haricot beans, tinned salmon, raisins, sugar,
tea, flour, coffee, and a hundred and one other comestibles necessary
for the nourishment of those on board her protegees. She will also
supply many other unconsidered trifles in the way of ammunition,
torpedoes, rope, canvas, paint, emery paper, bath-brick, oil, bolts,
nuts, pens, red ink, black ink, hectograph ink, foolscap, pencils,
paper fasteners, postage stamps ... I will leave it at that.

Heaven alone knows what else she can disgorge. She seems to resemble a
glorified Army and Navy Stores, with engineering, ship fitting, ship
chandlery, outfitting, haberdashery, carpentry, chemists, dry
provisions, butchers, bakers, stationery, postal, and fancy goods
departments. We have forgotten the certificate office or research
department, where they will tell you the colour of the eyes of any man
in the flotilla, the number of moles on the back of his neck, and the
interesting fact that Stoker "Ginger" Smith has a gory heart transfixed
by an arrow, together with the words "True Love," indelibly tattooed on
his left forearm.

The Criminal Investigation Department, which seems to be aware of the
past history of everybody, will deal with offenders, while, to go to
the opposite extreme, the depot ship's padre will be only too happy to
publish the banns of marriage for any member of his flock.

In addition to all this the officers of the flotilla are honorary
members of mo