relapses,
our Lord will bring that soul at last--I am certain of it--to the harbour
of salvation, to which He is surely bringing myself. I will say what I
know by experience,--let him never cease from prayer, who has once begun
to pray, be his life ever so bad. For prayer is the only way to amend
his life, and without prayer it will never be mended. Let him not be
tempted of the devil, as I was, to give up prayer on account of his
unworthiness. Let him rather believe that if he will only still repent
and pray, our Lord will still hear and answer. For myself, very often I
was more occupied with the wish to see the end of the hour. I used
actually to watch the sand-glass. And the sadness I sometimes felt on
entering my oratory was so great, that it required all my courage to
force myself in. In the end our Lord came to my help: and, then, when I
had done this violence to myself, I found far greater peace and joy than
when I prayed with regale and rapture. If our Lord then bore so long
with me in all my wickedness, why should any one despair, however wicked
he may be? Let him have been ever so wicked up till now, he will not
remain in his wickedness so many years as I did after receiving so many
graces from our Lord. And this more I will say,--prayer was the true
door by which our Lord distributed out all His grace so liberally to me.
Prayer and trust. I used indeed to pray for help: but I see now that I
committed all the time the fatal mistake of not putting my whole trust in
His Majesty. I should have utterly and thoroughly distrusted and
detested and suspected myself. I sought for help. I sometimes took
great pains to get it. But I did not understand of how little use all
that is unless we root utterly all confidence out of ourselves, and place
it at once, and for ever, and absolutely in God. Those were eighteen
miserable years.

(4) _Aridity in Prayer_.--Let no one weary or lose heart in prayer
because of aridity. For the Hearer of prayer comes in all such cases
very late. But at last He comes. And though He confessedly comes late,
He correspondingly makes up to the soul for all His delays, and rewards
her on the spot for all her toil, and dryness, and discouragement of many
years. I have great pity on those who give way and lose all this through
not being taught to persevere in prayer. It is a bad beginning, and very
prejudicial to proficiency in prayer, to use it for the gust and
consolation tha