* * *

You cannot squander ten thousand a year and then balance the account by
thrusting a stale bun, dipped in charity soup, into a beggar's hand.

* * * * *

Lolling on a velvet cushion in a fashionable church will not be a valid
answer when you meet the poor girl 'beyond' whom you ground down to make
trousers for twenty cents a pair. You didn't do it? You wore the
trousers, it's all the same.

* * * * *

A cynic's description of the honeymoon--

Kisses allopathic.
Kisses homeopathic.
The cold douche.
Hot mustard plasters.

* * * * *

A lawyer's description of matrimony in the United States--

Court--Appeal.
The suit filed.
Rival--an interpleader.
Marriage. Judgement given.
Household expenses. Costs.
Family jars. Proceedings for alimony.
Final hearing. Divorce absolute.
Quit claim. Deed to another man.

* * * * *

The sea-side resorts attract many queer fish.

* * * * *

The politician is what the people make him.

* * * * *

The child which cries for bread is a menace to the state.

* * * * *

Infamy may rise to such a height as to become famous.

* * * * *

More women have been killed by innuendo than by hard work.

* * * * *

To the small boy a circus is more alluring than the Psalms of Solomon.

* * * * *

Eternity is an endless chain whose links are youth, old age and decay.

* * * * *

The shark turns on his back to devour his prey--the hypocrite prays that
he may devour.

* * * * *

The money lender should provide himself with an asbestos overcoat when
he leaves this world.

* * * * *

Every girl in store or office means a man without employment. Every man
without employment is a man incapable of supporting a wife. Do you see
the inevitable result?

* * * * *

Laughter is the doctor's deadliest enemy.

* * * * *

Praise is the cheapest coin but more potent than gold.

* * * * *

If all men were brothers nations would cease to exist.