t have it done for
him."

"There's no public ceremony. You can just pledge yourself in your
mind, and then put a pledge card in one of the windows."

"I'll have tea first," I said, "and then I'll choose the window, and
then I'll pledge myself in my mind."

"No, you can do the pledging now."

"I've done it, while you were talking."

"And after all it's only the old rations according to Lord DEVONPORT,
and we've been working under them for some time now."

"So we have," I said; "but of course the card in the window makes all
the difference."

R.C.L.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE SERVANT PROBLEM.

_Lady_. "AND WHY DID YOUR LAST MISTRESS----"

_Applicant_ (_loftily_). "EXCUSE ME, MADAM!"

_Lady_. "WELL--ER--YOUR LAST EMPLOYER----"

_Applicant_. "I BEG YOUR PARDON, MADAM!"

_Lady_. "WELL, THEN, YOUR LAST--ER--PRAY WHAT DO YOU CALL THOSE IN
WHOSE SERVICE YOU ARE ENGAGED?"

_Applicant_. "CLIENTS, MADAM." [_Collapse of interrogator_.]]

* * * * *

OUR MODEST CONTEMPORARIES.

"Had it been intended to make any new pronouncement of
importance the Berlin Government would have taken steps to
circulate the speech by wireless in time for publication in
'The Star' yesterday evening."--_The Star_.

It is possible that Dr. BETHMANN-HOLLWEG was misled by our
contemporary's habit of publishing its "7.0 Edition" at 4.30.

* * * * *

From an obituary notice:--

"He had studied Eastern religions, and claimed to have been
initiated as a llama of Tibet."--_Daily Mail_.

Or should it be the Grand Lama of Peru?

* * * * *

"The----Food Economy Committee were astounded yesterday at
the secretary's report of a collier's family of six persons
who consumed twenty half-quartern loaves in one week,
averaging twenty pounds of bread per person."--_Sunday
Chronicle_.

It is not stated whether the astonishment was caused by the family's
appetite or the secretary's arithmetic.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Fond Mother_ (_reading_). "'OUR CAPTAIN IS ONE OF THE
BEST, AND WE'RE READY TO FOLLOW HIM TO H--L.' I SUPPOSE HE MEANS THE
HINDENBURG LINE."]

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

(_By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks_.)

In the list of heroic young soldier-authors whose gifts the War