f an interested motive why is it that in your own courts of
law, as you describe them, no private citizen can institute a civil action
to right the wrongs of anybody but himself?"

I had nothing to say and the King proceeded: "And why is it that your
judges will listen to no argument from any one who has not acquired a
selfish concern in the matter?"

"O, your Majesty," I answered with animation, "they listen to
attorneys-general, district attorneys and salaried officers of the law
generally, whose prosperity depends in no degree upon their success; who
prosecute none but those whom they believe to be guilty; who are careful
to present no false nor misleading testimony and argument; who are
solicitous that even the humblest accused person shall be accorded every
legal right and every advantage to which he is entitled; who, in brief,
are animated by the most humane sentiments and actuated by the purest and
most unselfish motives."

The King's discomfiture was pitiful: he retired at once from the capital
and passed a whole year pasturing his flock of tigers in the solitudes
beyond the River of Wine. Seeing that I would henceforth be _persona non
grata_ at the palace, I sought obscurity in the writing and publication of
books. In this vocation I was greatly assisted by a few standard works
that had been put ashore with me in my sea-chest.

The literature of Ug is copious and of high merit, but consists altogether
of fiction--mainly history, biography, theology and novels. Authors of
exceptional excellence receive from the state marks of signal esteem,
being appointed to the positions of laborers in the Department of Highways
and Cemeteries. Having been so fortunate as to win public favor and
attract official attention by my locally famous works, "The Decline and
Fall of the Roman Empire," "David Copperfield," "Pilgrim's Progress," and
"Ben Hur," I was myself that way distinguished and my future assured.
Unhappily, through ignorance of the duties and dignities of the position I
had the mischance to accept a gratuity for sweeping a street crossing and
was compelled to flee for my life.

Disguising myself as a sailor I took service on a ship that sailed due
south into the unknown Sea.

It is now many years since my marooning on Ug, but my recollection of the
country, its inhabitants and their wonderful manners and customs is
exceedingly vivid. Some small part of what most interested me I shall here
set down.

The Ugga