ng a book. "I have just seen
the Colonel," he said; "he has been in conference with the Commandant,
and this is what has been settled. In a day or two it is up to us to
attack. You know the place and what it all means. At such and such an
hour we shall begin. Very well. Now this is what will happen. I shall be
the first to leave the trench and go over the top, and I shall be killed
at once. So far so good. I have arranged with the two lieutenants for
the elder of them to take my place. He also will almost certainly be
killed. Then the younger will lead, and after him the sergeants in turn,
according to their age, beginning with the oldest who was with me at
Saida before the War. What will be left by the time you have reached the
point I cannot say, but you must be prepared for trouble, as there is a
lot of ground to cover, under fire. But you will take the point and hold
it. Fall out."

That captain was an "as."

* * * * *

[Illustration: "OW D'YER LIKE BEING PUT ON TRANSPORT WORK, MATE?"
"BLIMEY! WHAT THE DOOCE MADE ME TELL 'EM I'D ONCE DRUV A DONKEY!"]

* * * * *

Domestic Intelligence.

"Owing to doctor's orders Mrs. ---- has been obliged to cancel
all her engagements during Baby Week."--_Morning Paper_.

* * * * *

I STOOD AGAINST THE WINDOW.

I stood against the window
And looked between the bars,
And there were strings of fairies
Hanging from the stars;
Everywhere and everywhere
In shining swinging chains,
Like rainbows spun from moonlight
And twisted into skeins.

They kept on swinging, swinging,
They flung themselves so high
They caught upon the pointed moon
And hung across the sky;
And when I woke next morning
There still were crowds and crowds
In beautiful bright bunches
All sleeping on the clouds.

* * * * *

From a constable's evidence:--

"In his attempt to arrest her she threw herself on the ground
and tried to smack his face."--_Weekly Dispatch_.

The long arm of the law resents such presumptuous rivalry.

* * * * *

"ALL KINDS OF DEVILS MADE TO ORDER. ---- & ----,
SHEFFIELD."--_The Ironmonger._

This looks uncommonly like an offer to trade with the enemy.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Wife (to warrior, whose politeness to