d
opposition and resistance as a challenge to do my worst.*

* See Vol. I. Letter XXXIV.

Why, why, will the dear creature take such pains to appear all ice to
me?--Why will she, by her pride, awaken mine?--Hast thou not seen, in
the above, how contemptibly she treats me?--What have I not suffered
for her, and even from her!--Ought I to bear being told, that she will
despise me, if I value myself above that odious Solmes?

Then she cuts me short in all my ardours. To vow fidelity, is by a
cursed turn upon me, to shew, that there is reason, in my own opinion,
for doubt of it. The very same reflection upon me once before.*

* See Vol. II. Letter XIII.

In my power, or out of my power, all one to this lady.--So, Belford, my
poor vows are crammed down my throat, before they can well rise to my
lips. And what can a lover say to his mistress, if she will neither let
him lie nor swear?

One little piece of artifice I had recourse to: When she pushed so hard
for me to leave her, I made a request to her, upon a condition she could
not refuse; and pretended as much gratitude upon her granting it, as if
it were a favour of the last consequence.

And what was this? but to promise what she had before promised, 'Never
to marry any other man, while I am living, and single, unless I should
give her cause for high disgust against me.' This, you know, was
promising nothing, because she could be offended at any time, and was to
be the sole judge of the offence. But it shewed her how reasonable and
just my expectations were; and that I was no encroacher.

She consented; and asked what security I expected? Her word only.

She gave me her word: but I besought her excuse for sealing it: and in
the same moment (since to have waited for consent would have been asking
for a denial) saluted her. And, believe me, or not, but, as I hope to
live, it was the first time I had the courage to touch her charming lips
with mine. And this I tell thee, Belford, that that single pressure (as
modestly put too, as if I were as much a virgin as herself, that she
might not be afraid of me another time) delighted me more than ever I
was delighted by the ultimatum with any other woman.--So precious do
awe, reverence, and apprehended prohibition, make a favour!

And now, Belford, I am only afraid that I shall be too cunning; for she
does not at present talk enough for me. I hardly know what to make of
the dear creature yet.

I topt th