me to tell you what I know about the pretty little girl next
door? Well, I'm ready to begin, if you won't mind my talk; I'm only a
boy, you know, and can't use fine words--that's all humbug.

My name is Tom Halstead. I am nephew to the Miss Brandlaws, who live at
No. 7. The idea of calling my darling old friskies "The Bluejays!" (If
you don't give me that Australian post stamp I saw in your desk, I'll
tell 'em, too!) However, to go on with my story.

One morning last winter, just at the end of the Christmas holidays,
while I was on a visit there, I didn't know what on earth to do with
myself. So I caught Poddles (that's the poodle), dressed him up in Aunt
Elsie's nightcap, tied a life preserver round him, and put him in the
portable shower-bath, just for fun; it didn't hurt him a bit, and--would
you believe it? the hateful thing hopped out, squealing murder, shook
himself all over the carpet, scratched off the nightcap, and danced
round the room with it in a fury, till it was in perfect rags.

Up rushed Aunt Elsie, and was so horrified when she saw the carpet and
her cap in such a mess, and "darling doggie" all "wetsey-petsey," that
she locked me up in my room for the rest of the day on bread and water!
and there was gingerbread, with raisins in it, baking down stairs!!
Horrid!!!

Of course I couldn't spend my time sucking my thumbs; so, like a
sensible fellow, I set myself to find some better employment, and soon a
grand idea came into my head. I had just finished reading a jolly
old-fashioned novel I found in Uncle Herbert's room, called "The Castle
Spectre: a Tale of Spain;" where a goose of a lover, such a spooney! had
scrambled down from the top of a castle, hanging on to his bedclothes.
_Now_, don't you see it? Perhaps not, so I'll explain.

My bedroom is the third floor, back room, always; and you know that
piazza at the back of the house? Well, what did I do, but twitch off
_my_ bedcover--nice white one it was, too--tie it to the bedpost, and
let the end hang out of the window. Then I scrambled out, and slid down
the wall like a streak of lightning! You can't think what jolly fun it
was!

There was lots of amusement in the yard; twelve cats on the fence to
plague, and no end of snow to make balls and pelt the cook with; beside,
the gingerbread was just baked, and I got a _brown corner_! So! there!
while I was eating it, and it was so hot that it almost sizzled, all at
once I heard a lot of noise in the nex