is hands, and his stomach protruded like the belly of a
brood-sow. "Well, Allender," inquired Dr. Anthony, "egad, what's the
matter with you?" Press was careful to put on all the military frills
at such a time, and he began thus: "Major Anthony, First Sergeant
Stillwell has several times putten me on duty when I was not fitten for
duty, and so I am now compelled to come to you, and----" "That'll do,
Allender," interrupted the doctor, "what are your symptoms?" Press then
began the story of his woes. He had racking pains in the stomach,
headache, couldn't sleep, "all bloated up," he said, "as you can see
for yourself;" with a comprehensive gesture towards his abdominal
region,--and numerous other troubles, including "night sweats." Dr.
Anthony heard him patiently, and without interruption, but scanned him
closely all the time he was talking. Press at last stopped to take
breath, and then the doctor, in his rasping voice, spoke as follows:
"Allender, the trouble with you is simply exercising too little, and
eating too much. And if you don't quit stuffing yourself, and get
around more, I shall instruct Sergeant Stillwell to put you on fatigue
duty every day until you are rid of that mass of fermenting fecal
matter in your bowels, and your stomach is restored to normal
condition. That's all." Then addressing me, he said: "Allender's able
for duty;" and Press and I walked out. As soon as we were beyond the
hearing of Dr. Anthony, Press turned loose. He was a terribly profane
fellow when, in his opinion, ordinary language would not do the subject
justice, and had accumulated a stock of the most unique and outrageous
expressions that could be invented, and all these he now fired at the
Doctor. Having no desire to put salt on a green wound, I said nothing.
In perhaps an hour or so the first sergeant's call was sounded at the
adjutant's tent, which meant a detail. I responded to the call, and the
Sergeant-Major, consulting the regimental detail slip he held in his
hand, told me he wanted a corporal and five privates from my company,
with two days' rations, to help make up a scouting party going up White
river on a steamboat, and for them to report in fifteen minutes. That
caught old Press, and I went to his shack expecting a scene. He was
found lying on his bunk, in his drawers and shirt--as usual in such
emergencies. I proceeded to detail him as one of the scouting party,
and told him to be all ready within fifteen minutes. In the