."

"I say a man, sir," roared Jack, "and, damme, I mean a man, and not a
clothes-horse or a dancing master, or--or a French sauce, sir. One who
will not faint if a dog bark too loudly, nor shiver at sight of a
pistol, nor pick his way ever by smooth roads. He must be a man, I say,
able to use a small-sword creditably, who knows one end of a horse from
another, who can win well but lose better, who can follow the hounds
over the roughest country and not fall sick for a trifle of mud, nor
fret a week over a splashed coat--in a word, he must be a man, sir."

"Alas, what a divine creature is man, after all!" sighs Mr. Tawnish,
with a shake of the head, "small matter of wonder if I cannot attain
unto so high an estate; for I beg you to observe that though I am
tolerably efficient in the use of my weapon" (here he laid his hand
lightly upon the silver hilt of his small-sword), "though I can tell a
spavined horse from a sound one, and can lose a trifle without positive
tears, yet--and I say it with a sense of my extreme unworthiness--I have
an excessive and abiding horror of mud, or dirt in any shape or form.
But is there no other way, Sir John? In remote times it was the custom
in such cases to set the lover some arduous task--some enterprise to try
his worth. Come now, in justice do the same by me, I beg, and no matter
how difficult the undertaking, I promise you shall at least find me
zealous."

"Come, Jack," cries Bentley, suddenly, "smite me, but that's very fair
and sportsmanlike! How think you, Dick?"

"Why, for once I agree with you, Bentley," says I, "'tis an offer not
devoid of spirit, and should be accepted as such."

Jack sat down, took two gulps of wine, and rose again.

"Mr. Tawnish," says he, "since these gentlemen are in unison upon the
matter, and further, knowing they have the good of the Lady Penelope at
heart as much as I, I will accept your proposition, and we will, each of
us, set you a task. But, sir, I warn you, do not delude yourself with
false hopes; you shall not find them over-easy, I'll warrant."

Mr. Tawnish bowed, with the very slightest shrug of his shoulders.

"Firstly, then," Jack began, "you must--er--must--" Here he paused to
rub his chin and stare at his boots. "Firstly," he began again, "if you
shall succeed in doing--" Here his eyes wandered slowly up to the
rafters, and down again to me. "Curse it, Dick!" he broke off, "what the
devil must he do?"

"Firstly," I put in, "you mu