rl
to be his companion through life, demand that she shall neither think
nor do anything without telling him, either before or afterwards? Does
the word marriage mean renouncing all liberty and independence? Was it
not quite possible that she was going to the dressmaker's without
telling me, or that she was going to assist the family of one of the
coachmen? Or she might have thought that I might criticize, if not
blame, her visit to the house. She knew me thoroughly, and my slightest
peculiarities, and perhaps she feared a discussion, even if she did not
think that I should find fault with her. She had very pretty hands, and
I ended by supposing that she was having them secretly attended to by
the manicure in the house which I suspected, and that she did not tell
me of it, for fear that I should think her extravagant. She was very
methodical and economical, +and looked after all her household duties
most carefully, and no doubt she thought that she should lower herself
in my eyes, were she to confess that slight piece of feminine
extravagance. Women have very many subtleties and innate tricks in their
soul!

"But none of my own arguments reassured me. I was jealous, and I felt
that my suspicion was affecting me terribly, that I was being devoured
by it. I felt secret grief and anguish, and a thought which I still
veiled, and I did not dare to lift the veil, for beneath it I should
find a terrible doubt.... A lover! ... Had not she a lover? ... It was
unlikely, impossible.... A mere dream ... and yet? ...

"I continually saw Montina's face before my eyes. I saw the tall,
silly-looking, handsome man, with his bright hair, smiling into her
face, and I said to myself: 'He is the one!' I concocted a story of
their intrigues. They had talked a book over together, had discussed the
love ventures it contained, had found something in it that resembled
them, and they had turned that analogy into reality. And so I watched
them, a prey to the most terrible sufferings that a man can endure. I
bought shoes with india-rubber soles, so that I might be able to walk
about the house without making any noise, and I spent half my time in
going up and down my little spiral staircase, in the hope of surprising
them, but I always found that the clerk was with them.

"I lived in a constant state of suffering. I could no longer work, nor
attend to my business. As soon as I went out, as soon as I had walked a
hundred yards along the street, I