ou as though you wos batter, he kneads you as if you wos
dough,
And gives yer wot for on the spine, till you git in a doose of a
glow.

Then you're popped in a big iron cage, where the 'ose plays upon
you like fun;
A lawn, or a house a-fire, CHARLIE, could not be more thoroughly
done.
Sez I, "I'm _insured_, dontcher know, mate; so don't _waste_ the
water, d'ye 'ear?"
But he didn't appear to arf twig. He seemed jest a bit thick in
the clear.

Then the bars of yer cage bustes out like a lot of scent fountings
a-play--
'Taint _oder colong_, though, by hodds; sulphur strong seems the
local _bokay_.
They call this the "Needle Bath," CHARLIE. It give _me_ the needle
fust off;
'Cos the spray would git into my eyes, and the squelch made me
sputter and cough.

Then they wrop you well up in 'ot towels, and leave yer five
minutes to bake,
And that's the "_Aix Douche_," as they call it. _I_ call it the
funniest fake
In the way of a bath I 'ave met with; but, bless yer, it passes
the time,
And _I_ shan't want a tub for a fortnit when back in Old
Babbylon's grime.

Dull 'ole, this 'ere 'Arrygate, CHARLIE! The only fair fun _I_ can
find
Is watching the poor sulphur-swiggers, a-gargling and going it
blind.
Oh, the sniffs and sour faces, old fellow, the shudders and
shivers, and sighs;
The white lips a-working like rabbits', the sheepish blue-funk in
their eyes!

Old Pump Room's a hoctygon building, rum blend like of chapel and
bar,
With a big stained-glass winder one side, hallygorical subject! So
far
As I've yet made it out, it's a hangel a-stirring up somethink
like suds.
"A-troubling the waters," I 'eard from a party in clerical duds.

You arsk, like you do at a bar, for the speeches of lotion you want.
_Some_ say; you git used to the flaviour, and _like it_! Bet long
hodds _I_ shan't.
I've sampled the lot, my dear CHARLIE, Strong Sulphur and Mild,
Cold _and_ 'Ot;
And all I can say is, the jossers who say it ain't beastly talk rot.

You jest fox their faces! They enters, looks round, gives a shy
sort of sniff,
Seem to contemplate doing a guy, brace their legs, keep their
hupper lips stiff;
Take their tickets,