e) he trusts to be honoured
by the confidence of the single, and the generous acknowledgments of the
married.

Lord J.R. intends to transact business upon the most liberal scale, and
instead of charging a per centage on the amount of property concerned in
each union, he will take every lady and gentleman's valuation of
themselves, and consider one thousandth part thereof as an adequate
compensation for his services.

Ladies who have _lost_ the registries of their birth can be supplied with
new ones, for any year they please, and the greatest care will be taken to
make them accord with the early recollections of the lady's schoolfellows
and cousins of the same age.

Gentlemen who wear wigs, false calves, or artificial teeth, or use
hair-dye, &c., will be required to state the same, as no deception can be
countenanced by Lord J.R.

Ladies are only required to certify as to the originality of their teeth;
and as Lady Russell will attend exclusively to this department, no
disclosure will take place until all other preliminaries are satisfactorily
arranged.

Young gentlemen with large mustachios and small incomes will find the
MATRIMONIAL AGENCY OFFICE well worthy their attention; and young ladies who
play the piano, speak French, and measure only eighteen inches round the
waist, cannot better consult their own interests than by making an early
application.

N.B. None with red hair need apply, unless with a mother's certificate that
it was always considered to be auburn.

Wanted several buxom widows for the commencement. If in weeds, will be
preferred.

* * * * *

"MATTERS IN FACT," AND "MATTERS IN LAW."

"Law is the perfection of reason!" said, some sixty years ago, an old
powder-wigged priest of Themis, in his "enthusymusy" for the venerable
lady; and what one of her learned adorers, from handsome Jock Campbell down
to plain Counsellor Dunn, would dare question the maxim? A generous soul,
who, like the fabled lady of the Arabian tale, drops gold at every word she
utters, varying in value from one guinea to five thousand, according to the
quality of the hand that is stretched forth to receive it, cannot possibly
be other than reason herself. But to appreciate this dear creature justly,
it is absolutely necessary to be in her service. No ordinary lay person can
judge her according to her deserts. You must be initiated into her
mysteries before you can detect her beauties; but onc