To help your belch be extra loud:

Arch your back for full projection.
Cover up for their protection.
Throw some soda down the hatch
For burping volume none can match.

But most important, don't forget
The golden rule of etiquette.
In terms of manners, I'm not choosy
But always, always say "Excuse me."

XXIII

PHILIP LOSES EVERYTHING!

Philip had trouble holding onto things. His parents were always
getting angry with him for losing his clothes, or his toys, or his
homework. They didn't realize that it really wasn't Philip's
fault--his things actually liked to run away from him!

When Philip was two, his blanket grew legs and ran out of the house.
His mother and father weren't very happy. They thought that it was
his fault.

When Philip was three, he loved playing with his toy airplane. One
day it flew right off the shelf and out the window, all by itself.
Somehow Philip got blamed again. "You need to learn how to take
better care of your toys," his parents said.

A year later Philip had 12 pairs of socks run away from him!
Obviously they were smart and had planned their escape well because
Philip never figured out how they did it. When his mother went to
buy him more socks, she asked what kind he wanted. "The kind of
socks that can't climb out of a sock drawer," he said. She thought
he was joking.

Whenever Philip did his homework, he had to hold the paper down. If
he let it go for one second, it would run off the desk and try to go
outside by sliding under the front door. If you thought Philip's
parents didn't like his explanations, you should have seen his
teacher's reaction!

One day Philip's mom bought him a brand new ruler for him to bring
to school. "Everyone will need a ruler tomorrow," his teacher had
said. His mother was very clear that Philip had better not lose the
ruler.

Philip took extra care to make sure that the ruler didn't run away.
He took a string and tied one end around the ruler and the other end
around his dresser. All night long he kept one eye on the ruler,
even as he was falling asleep.

Philip thought he had outsmarted the ruler, but he was wrong. It
grew arms and legs and ran straight for the door. The string stopped
it from getting out, but Philip had fallen asleep and didn't notice.
The ruler used its hands to untie the string and crept out the door,
trying not to wake Philip up.

Because the ruler was so tall and thin, it had trouble keeping its
balance on t