not Wilkins.

R. A. Wilkins is just as keen as they make them, and it is his great
sorrow that, being in an important Government office, he is not allowed
to enlist. For my liking he is too smart; when he does a "right-turn" he
does it with a jerk that you can almost hear. The click of the heels is
all very well, but Reginald Arbuthnot makes his neck click too. An
"eyes-right" nearly takes his head off.

A dozen of them, including Reginald, were being taught saluting the
other day. There was an imaginary Field-Marshal or somebody on the left,
and they were told to turn the head smartly to the left, at the same
time bringing the right hand up to the salute.... "Sa-_lute!_" Reginald
Arbuthnot Wilkins whizzed his head round to the left, but accidentally
brought the wrong hand up. There was a crash as his left thumb met his
left eye-ball, and Reginald was in hospital for a week.

The remarkable thing is that the other eleven, quite undismayed, went on
practising the salute. That gives you some idea of our spirit.

A. A. M.

* * * * *

STRATEGIC DISEASE.

[Some of the German military authorities having explained that their
retreat from Paris was due to the spread of cholera in that city, we may
perhaps expect to have something like the following further
"explanations" elsewhere.]

Our recent rather smart retreat
From Warsaw need not cause disquiet;
Our army met with no defeat
Nor suffered from defective diet;
We marched away because we knew
Warsaw was reeking with the 'Flu.

Our move from Calais was, of course,
A great strategic retrogression,
We were compelled, though not by force,
To leave another in possession;
But that's no ground for doleful dumps,
Calais was chucked because of Mumps.

Soon we shall see, though scarce as yet,
Huns and howitzers hustled over
Yon nauseous streak of heaving wet
Which still divides our arms from Dover;
And should "high failure" then occur
Lay the whole blame on Mal-de-mer.

* * * * *

LE MOT JUSTE.

"Reports of military movements behind the Germans' front in Belgium
are contradictory and too bragmentary to be worth much."

--_Western Mail._

* * * * *

"Mr. Churchill: Six, nine, twelve months hence you will begin to see
results that will spell the domm of Germany."

--_Daily Mail._

We could spell it bet