* * *

BETWEEN TWO GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS.--"What do you think of
CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN'S choice of an assistant private secretary? Odd? eh?"
"Not odd! _Strange._"

* * * * *

PROVERB FOR MEMBERS OF PARLIAMENT WHO WISH TO SECURE SEATS.--"Two Hats are
better than one."

* * * * *

[Illustration: SELF-PRESERVATION IS THE FIRST LAW OF NATURE;

OR, GETTING THE START OF CRINOLINE.]

* * * * *

THE INFANT'S GUIDE TO KNOWLEDGE.

CONCERNING CASH.

_Question._ What is cash?

_Answer._ Cash may be described as comfort in the concrete.

_Q._ Is it not sometimes called "the root of all evil"?

_A._ Yes, by those who do not possess it.

_Q._ Is it possible to live without cash?

_A._ Certainly--upon credit.

_Q._ Can you tell me what is credit?

_A._ Credit is the motive power which induces persons who have cash, to
part with some of it to those who have it not.

_Q._ Can you give me an instance of credit?

_A._ Certainly. A young man who is able to live at the rate of a thousand
a-year, with an income not exceeding nothing a month, is a case of credit.

_Q._ Would it be right to describe such a transaction "as much to his
credit"?

_A._ It would be more precise to say, "much by his credit;" although the
former phrase would be accepted by a large class of the community as
absolutely accurate.

_Q._ What is bimetallism?

_A._ Bimetallism is a subject that is frequently discussed by amateur
financiers, after a good dinner, on the near approach of the coffee.

_Q._ Can you give me your impression of the theory of bimetallism?

_A._ My impression of bimetallism is the advisability of obtaining silver,
if you cannot get gold.

_Q._ What is the best way of securing gold?

_A._ The safest way is to borrow it.

_Q._ Can money be obtained in any other way?

_A._ In the olden time it was gathered on Hounslow Heath and other deserted
spots, by mounted horsemen wearing masks and carrying pistols.

_Q._ What is the modern way of securing funds, on the same principles, but
with smaller risk?

_A._ By promoting Companies and other expedients known to the members of
the Stock Exchange.

* * * * *

QUEER QUERIES.

FOREIGN CLERKS.--I should be grateful for any information as to where I
could acquire a knowledge of French, German, Italian, Spanish, Arabic, and
Russian, without