advertisement,
And an Assembly's calm content
At what to the Lay mind seems robbery.
Steal? Nay! But do not raise a bobbery,
If hard-up preachers glean their shelves
And take the credit to themselves.
How wise, how good, how kind, how just!
And how the poor Lay mind must trust
Those who so skilfully reveal
The _meaning_ of "Thou shalt not Steal!"

* * * * *

"REGRETS AND GREAVES."--But for a recent trial, who of the outside
public would even have guessed that the unromantic and quite Bozzian
name of "Mr. and Mrs. TILKINS" meant the clever musician, Mr. IVAN
CARTEL and the charming and accomplished actress and soprano, Miss
GERALDINE ULMAR? The TILKINSES are to be congratulated on their
winning the recent action of _Tilkins_ v. _Greaves_ with the award
of one thousand pounds damage, which is the price the transmitter of
scandal to the _New York World_ has had to pay for his industry.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE _OTHER_ "WESTMINSTER STABLE."

POLITE STRANGER. "I BEG YOUR PARDON, SIR: WOULD YOU KINDLY INFORM ME
IF HE'S BEEN--'_GOT AT_'?"

NOBLE OWNER. "H'M!--AH!--WOULDN'T THE BACKERS OF _DISSOLUTION_ LIKE TO
KNOW!"]

* * * * *

OUR COOKERY-BOOKERY.

Most Cookery-Books are bosh. I have read them all--from the [Greek:
Archimageiros] of FRANCATELLIDES (1904 B.C.) to the _Ayer Akberi_: or
_Million Recipes of RUNG JUNG JELLYBAG_, compiled in Sanskrit, Pali,
Singhali, Urdu, Hindustani, Bengali, and the Marowsky language, for
the "Kitchens measureless to man" (see COALRIDGE), of the Golden
Dome of Kubla Khan; from Mrs. GLASSE to Dr. KITCHENER; from UDE to
ALEXANDRE DUMAS; from CAREME to Mrs. MARKHAM (who is said to have
adopted the pseudonym of "RUNDELL" for her culinary mistress-piece);
and from Miss ACTON (who was also the distinguished authoress of
_Austen Fryers, Pies and Prejudice, Sense and Saltcellars_, &c.) to
SOYER. The only modern culinary manual which (_with one exception_) is
worth anything is by Mrs. DE SALIS, whose name has a happy affinity
to that of The Only Trustworthy Authority as a Cookery-Bookerist, and
whose immortal contributions to mageiristic lore are appearing weekly
in _Sal---- (Here the M.S. is firmly scored out by the Editorial blue
pencil; but, faintly legible, is, "circulation, 2,599,862-3/8."_) From
this "Golden Treasury" of gormandising I have been permitted to cull
a fe