nussing a wiper, _I_ say, and you'll soon feel 'is bite, _I'll_
be bound.
Who arsked for 'im, BETSY--I mean Missis G.--who demanded the brat?
_You_'ve altered your mind, and you pet him; you'd much better mind
what you're at.
Drat the boy's bragian imperence! _I_ says. He's a halien, a fondling,
a waif,
And _I_ never knew, for my part, _any_ Brummagem goods as wos _safe!_"

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE ADOPTED CHILD.

MOTHER GOSCHEN. "FOUND 'IM IN BIRMINGHAM, MY DEAR! DIDN'T LIKE 'IM AT
FIRST,--BUT, SOMEHOW, I'VE QUITE TOOK A FANCY TO 'IM!!"

MRS. GAMP. "A FONDLING INDEED!--WHICH ALL I CAN SAY IS I DON'T LIKE
THE LOOKS OF 'IM!!"]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

_House of Commons, Monday, April 27_.--"Well, I never!" said GEORGE
ELLIOT, beaming on House from back bench; "have known HARCOURT man
and boy for forty years; seen him in divers moods; watched him through
various occupations. These have been so many that I have had time to
forget he was once Chancellor of the Exchequer; but he was, and
upon my word, listening to him to-night, and knowing something
about figures myself, I believe he would have made a splash at the
Treasury."

[Illustration: Genial George.]

JOKIM doesn't enjoy performance quite so much as GENIAL GEORGE. Oddly
enough, Budget Night, which ought to be the apex of comfort and
glory for CHANCELLOR of the EXCHEQUER, is with him ever the season of
tribulation. House of Commons is, regarded as audience, always at its
best on Budget Night. Will laugh immoderately at feeblest joke
uttered by CHANCELLOR; cheers to the echo his moral sentiments; sits
enraptured when he soars into eloquence; and is undisguisedly grateful
when he has completed his peroration. JOKIM'S muddle of Thursday
night made the best of. Opposition silenced by promised legislation
establishing Free Education. Everything in sunshine-glow of
prosperity. Thought JOKIM might keep some of the sunbeams for himself.
Then comes HARCOURT with the abhorred shears of facts and figures,
and slits the thin-spun web of JOKIM'S ingenious fancy; shows that,
instead of a surplus, he has, when honest arithmetic is set to work, a
deficit; instead of increasing the rate of reduction of National Debt,
he has done less in that direction than his predecessors; and that
whilst expenditure on Army and Navy has exceeded any fi