ith it.

D.--It does not encourage familiarity. Paralysis of the thoracic duct
enables the patient to accept as many invitations to dinner as he can
secure, without danger of spoiling his appetite.

F.--But how long does his appetite last?

D.--That depends. Always a trifle longer than he does.

F.--The portion that survives him--?

D.--Goes to swell the Mighty Gastric Passion which lurks darkly
Outside, yawning to swallow up material creation!

F.--Pitch it a biscuit.

* * * * *

FOOL.--You attend a patient. He gets well. Good! How do you tell
whether his recovery is because of your treatment or in spite of it?

DOCTOR.--I never do tell.

F.--I mean how do you know?

D.--I take the opinion of a person interested in the question: I ask a
fool.

F.--How does the patient know?

D.--The fool asks me.

F.--Amiable instructor! How shall I reward thee?

D.--Eat a cucumber cut up in shilling claret.

* * * * *

DOCTOR.--The relation between a patient and his disease is the same as
that which obtains between the two wooden weather-prophets of a Dutch
clock. When the disease goes off, the patient goes on; when the
disease goes on, the patient goes off.

FOOL.--A pauper conceit. Their relations, then, are not of the most
cordial character.

D.--One's relations--except the poorer sort--seldom are.

F.--My tympanum is smitten with pleasant peltings of wisdom! I 'll lay
you ten to one you cannot tell me the present condition of your last
patient.

D.--Done!

F.--You have won the wager.

FOOL.--I once read the report of an actual conversation upon a
scientific subject between a fool and a physician.

DOCTOR.--Indeed! That sort of conversation commonly takes place
between fools only.

F.--The reporter had chosen to confound orthography: he spelt fool
"phool," and physician "fysician." What the fool said was, therefore,
preceded by "PH;" the remarks of the physician were indicated by the
letter "F."

D.--This must have been very confusing.

F.--It was. But no one discovered that any liberties had been taken
with orthography.

D.--You tumour!

* * * * *

FOOL.--Suppose you had amongst your menials an ailing oyster?

DOCTOR.--Oysters do not ail.

F.--I have heard that the pearl is the result of a disease.

D.--Whether a functional derangement producing a valuable gem can be
properly termed, or treate