tely interested in all vicarious
love-affairs, though quickly intimidated at the thought of having any
of her own. She was devoted to Eleanor, and mothered her clumsily.

It was still to her diary that Eleanor turned for the relief and
solace of self-expression.

* * * * *

"It is five months to-day," she wrote, "since I came to the hospital.
It seems like five years. I like it, but I feel like the little old
woman on the King's Highway. I doubt more every minute if this can be
I. Sometimes I wonder what 'being I' consists of, anyway. I used to
feel as if I were divided up into six parts as separate as
protoplasmic cells, and that each one was looked out for by a
different cooperative parent. I thought that I would truly be I when I
got them all together, and looked out for them myself, but I find I am
no more of an entity than I ever was. The puzzling question of 'what
am I?' still persists, and I am farther away from the right answer
than ever. Would a sound be a sound if there were no one to hear it?
If the waves of vibration struck no human ear, would the sound be in
existence at all? This is the problem propounded by one of the nurses
yesterday.

"How much of us lives when we are entirely shut out of the
consciousness of those whom we love? If there is no one to _realize_
us day by day,--if all that love has made of us is taken away, what is
left? Is there anything? I don't know. I look in the glass, and see
the same face,--Eleanor Hamlin, almost nineteen, with the same bow
shaped eyebrows, and the same double ridge leading up from her nose to
her mouth, making her look still very babyish. I pinch myself, and
find that it hurts just the same as it used to six months ago, but
there the resemblance to what I used to be, stops. I'm a young nurse
now in hospital training, and very good at it, too, if I do say it as
shouldn't; but that's all I am. Otherwise, I'm not anybody _to_
anybody,--except a figure of romance to good old Stevie, who doesn't
count in this kind of reckoning. I take naturally to nursing they tell
me. A nurse is a kind of maternal automaton. I'm glad I'm that, but
there used to be a lot more of me than that. There ought to be some
heart and brain and soul left over, but there doesn't seem to be.
Perhaps I am like the Princess in the fairy story whose heart was an
auk's egg. Nobody had power to make her feel unless they reached it
and squeezed it.

"I fe