onfusion within.

This was not the only new influence which entered into and increased the
tumult of my mind. The other half of my two-sided nature--the cool,
reflective, investigating faculty--had been gradually ripening, and the
questions which it now began to present seriously disturbed the
complacency of my theories. I saw that I had accepted many things on
very unsatisfactory evidence; but, on the other hand, there was much for
which I could find no other explanation. Let me be frank, and say, that
I do not now pretend to explain all the phenomena of Spiritualism. This,
however, I determined to do,--to ascertain, if possible, whether the
influences which governed me in the trance state came from the persons
around, from the exercise of some independent faculty of my own mind, or
really and truly from the spirits of the dead. Mr. Stilton appeared to
notice that some internal conflict was going on; but he said nothing in
regard to it, and, as events proved, he entirely miscalculated its
character.

I said to myself,--"If this chaos continues, it will drive me mad. Let
me have one bit of solid earth beneath my feet, and I can stand until it
subsides. Let me throw over the best bower of the heart, since all the
anchors of the mind are dragging!" I summoned resolution. I made that
desperate venture which no true man makes without a pang of forced
courage; but, thank God! I did not make it in vain. Agnes loved me, and
in the deep, quiet bliss which this knowledge gave I felt the promise of
deliverance. She knew and lamented my connection with the Spiritualists;
but, perceiving my mental condition from the few intimations which I
dared to give her, discreetly held her peace. But I could read the
anxious expression of that gentle face none the less.

My first endeavor to solve the new questions was to check the _abandon_
of the trance condition, and interfuse it with more of sober
consciousness. It was a difficult task; and nothing but the circumstance
that my consciousness had never been entirely lost enabled me to make
any progress. I finally succeeded, as I imagined, (certainty is
impossible,) in separating the different influences which impressed
me,--perceiving where one terminated and the other commenced, or where
two met and my mind vibrated from one to the other until the stronger
prevailed, or where a thought which seemed to originate in my own brain
took the lead and swept away with me like the mad rush of a pr