The lady returns.

THE LADY. May I use your telephone?

AUGUSTUS. Certainly. Certainly. [Taking the receiver down.] What number
shall I get you?

THE LADY. The War Office, please.

AUGUSTUS. The War Office!?

THE LADY. If you will be so good.

AUGUSTUS. But--Oh, very well. [Into the receiver.] Hallo. This is the
Town Hall Recruiting Office. Give me Colonel Bogey, sharp.

A pause.

THE CLERK [breaking the painful silence]. I don't think I'm awake. This
is a dream of a movie picture, this is.

AUGUSTUS [his ear at the receiver]. Shut up, will you? [Into the
telephone.] What?... [To the lady.] Whom do you want to get on to?

THE LADY. Blueloo.

AUGUSTUS [into the telephone]. Put me through to Lord Hungerford
Highcastle... I'm his brother, idiot... That you, Blueloo? Lady here at
Little Pifflington wants to speak to you. Hold the line. [To the lady.]
Now, madam [he hands her the receiver].

THE LADY [sitting down in Augustus's chair to speak into the telephone].
Is that Blueloo?... Do you recognize my voice?... I've won our bet....

AUGUSTUS. Your bet!

THE LADY [into the telephone]. Yes: I have the list in my wallet....

AUGUSTUS. Nothing of the kind, madam. I have it here in my pocket. [He
takes the envelope from his pocket: draws out the paper: and unfolds
it.]

THE LADY [continuing]. Yes: I got clean into the street with it. I
have a witness. I could have got to London with it. Augustus won't deny
it....

AUGUSTUS [contemplating the blank paper]. There's nothing written on
this. Where is the list of guns?

THE LADY [continuing]. Oh, it was quite easy. I said I was my
sister-in-law and that I was a Hun. He lapped it up like a kitten....

AUGUSTUS. You don't mean to say that--

THE LADY [continuing]. I got hold of the list for a moment and changed
it for a piece of paper out of his stationery rack: it was quite easy
[she laughs: and it is clear that Blueloo is laughing too].

AUGUSTUS. What!

THE CLERK [laughing slowly and laboriously, with intense enjoyment]. Ha
ha! Ha ha ha! Ha! [Augustus rushes at him; he snatches up the poker and
stands on guard.] No you don't.

THE LADY [still at the telephone, waving her disengaged hand behind
her impatiently at them to stop making a noise]. Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh!!!
[Augustus, with a shrug, goes up the middle of the room. The lady
resumes her conversation with the telephone.] What?... Oh yes: I'm
coming up by the 1.35: why not have tea with me at Rumpelmeist