The mate, a burly fellow who stood hard by, muttered:

"Get up, you d----d fool. You _have_ slid." Whereupon the pious James
called him a liar, and continued:

"Examine me, O Lord, and prove me: try my reins and my heart."

When he had finished the sentence, the captain interposed:

"I'm quite satisfied that you are intoxicated, and must request you, Mr
Jones, to see that he is put to bed before he does any more mischief. I
shall keep my grog under lock and key for the future."

This strong indictment caused James to become piously agitated. The
mate eloquently remarked:

"Yes, it is all damned fine quoting Scripture, but that won't give us
our breakfast. What do you say, Mr Second Mate?"

"Amen," said the gallant officer, and, with a merry twinkle in his eye,
he added in a whisper, "but I don't quite agree with the grog being
locked up."

Jimmy was very popular with all aboard, and everyone was full of
sympathy with him for having had the misfortune to fall into disgrace.
In a few weeks after his fall he was paid off in Bristol, and to
celebrate the occasion he and a young lad, who was much devoted to him,
had a glass together. He was very fond of his wife and his home, and
used to confide all manner of sacred things to his young friend. They
were walking down a fashionable street together, and observing a
well-dressed lady looking in a shop window, he remarked to the youth:

"That is a fine dress the lady has on. I would like to have one like it
for our Nanny (meaning his wife). I wonder if it cost much."

His young companion was eager to have some sport out of the incident,
so he urged him to ask her how much the dress cost. He was not quite
sure of the propriety of doing such a thing, but was reassured of this
by his friend in whose judgement he had profound confidence; so he went
up to the lady, took hold of her dress, held it up in his hand beyond
the limit of discretion, and asked her in pure Anglo-Scotch how much a
yard it might cost. The lady was startled, and looked contemptuously at
him.

"Sir," said she, "how dare you! whatever do you take me for?"

"I take you for a lady," said Jimmy, "and I'm asking how much a yard
your dress cost, because if it's not over dear I would like to buy one
for wor Nanny."

His young friend kept close to him, and was in convulsions of laughter;
but seeing he was drifting into trouble he advanced towards where they
stood and tried to explain to the lady that it