ersonally derided, shouted,
as the tide swept them out of sight:

"Yah! 'Oo yer larfin' at? Set o' bloomin' monkeys!"

But the gramophone was certainly playing a useful part in warning others
off the _Saucy Sally_, down that fog-laden river. And, when, at the end
of their day's slow journey, they let go their anchor, the "Washington
Post" was again nasally shrieking out its march-time glories.

The mate stopped the machine and carried it tenderly below, then,
returning to the deck, he observed.

"Good job as we 'ad the grammarphone aboard, Cap'n."

Cap'n Pigg swallowed a lump in his throat, and looked like a child
confronted with a dose of nauseous medicine, as he gruffly replied:

"It's better n' nothin' when yer wants a row made."

A pause ensued, and then the Skipper went on:

"In future, I don't object--not very much--to the
dammarphone--grammarphone, I mean--If you can stand music, well, so can
I. But you can't contrarst the beauty o' the two instruments, and I'm
goin' ashore, straight away, to buy myself a good, old-fashioned
fog-'orn. The tone of that is altogether more 'armonious and more
soothin' to the hear, than that there beastly grammarphone ever could
be!"

The mate heaved a deep sigh and sorrowfully went below. In the effort to
ram music into his superior officer he had to admit himself defeated.

VI

MARY JANE'S DIVERSION

A Western Tale

By CHARLES ALDEN SELTZER

TEXAS RANKIN stood in the street in front of the High Card Saloon, his
lank body trembling with surprise, indecision, and indignation; his face
alight with the fire of outraged dignity. Three long paces from him
stood Sheriff Webster, indifferently fondling an ivory-handled .45.

The sheriff was nonchalantly deliberative in his actions, betraying only
a negative interest in Rankin's movements--for Rankin's holster yawned
with eloquent emptiness. With his empty holster dragging on his desires,
it seemed to Rankin that to await the sheriff's pleasure was his most
logical course.

And so he waited.

The sheriff had come upon him, when, in an incautious moment, he had
emerged from the High Card Saloon, having forgotten the very important
fact that the sheriff was looking for him. This forgetfulness had been
the cause of his undoing, for at the instant he had turned to go down
the street the sheriff had reached for his gun. The empty holster was
evidence of his success.

After that there was no use in getting excited.