. I was half delirious,
and my delirium was strangely compounded of fear and hope, of delight
and of terror.

"What have you done, my friend? You have overturned my peace of mind.
Till now the image of this woman has been followed by complacency and
sober rapture; but your words have dashed the scene with dismay and
confusion. You have raised up wishes, and dreams, and doubts, which
possess me in spite of my reason, in spite of a thousand proofs.

"Good God! You say she loves,--loves _me_!--me, a boy in age; bred in
clownish ignorance; scarcely ushered into the world; more than
childishly unlearned and raw; a barn-door simpleton; a plough-tail,
kitchen-hearth, turnip-hoeing novice! She, thus splendidly endowed; thus
allied to nobles; thus gifted with arts, and adorned with graces; that
she should choose me, me for the partner of her fortune; her affections;
and her life! It cannot be. Yet, if it were; if your guesses
should--prove--Oaf! madman! To indulge so fatal a chimera! So rash a
dream!

"My friend! my friend! I feel that you have done me an irreparable
injury. I can never more look her in the face. I can never more frequent
her society. These new thoughts will beset and torment me. My disquiet
will chain up my tongue. That overflowing gratitude; that innocent joy,
unconscious of offence, and knowing no restraint, which have hitherto
been my titles to her favour, will fly from my features and manners. I
shall be anxious, vacant, and unhappy in her presence. I shall dread to
look at her, or to open my lips, lest my mad and unhallowed ambition
should betray itself."

"Well," replied Stevens, "this scene is quite new. I could almost find
it in my heart to pity you. I did not expect this; and yet, from my
knowledge of your character, I ought, perhaps, to have foreseen it. This
is a necessary part of the drama. A joyous certainty, on these
occasions, must always be preceded by suspenses and doubts, and the
close will be joyous in proportion as the preludes are excruciating. Go
to bed, my good friend, and think of this. Time and a few more
interviews with Mrs. Fielding will, I doubt not, set all to rights."

CHAPTER XLVIII.

I went to my chamber, but what different sensations did I carry into it
from those with which I had left it a few hours before! I stretched
myself on the mattress and put out the light; but the swarm of new
images that rushed on my mind set me again instantly in motion. All was
rapid,