r knowledge that some three weeks ago this household
was suddenly deprived of the services of its cook. This out of a clear
sky and, if we may believe the police, in one of those uncharted
purlieus which shroud in mystery the source of the Cromwell Road. After
four lean days your gluttonous instincts led you precipitately to
withdraw to Paris, from whence, knowing your unshakable belief in the
vilest forms of profligacy, I appreciate that lack of means must ere
long enforce your return._

_Therefore I write._

_For twenty-two unforgettable sultry days we have endured the ghastly
pleasantries of charwomen, better qualified to victual the lower animals
than mankind. To call the first meal "breakfast" is sheer blasphemy:
lunch is a hollow mockery: dinner, the abomination of desolation. I do
what I can with grape-nuts and the gas-stove in the bathroom, but the
result is unhappy, and last night the milk was too quick for me._

_I therefore implore you to collect a cook in Paris without delay. Bring
it with you when you come, or, better still, send it in advance,
carriage paid. Luxury shall be heaped upon it. Its slightest whim shall
be gratified, and it shall go to "the movies" at my expense, whenever I
am sent tickets. Can generosity go further? Wages no object: fare paid
back to Paris as soon as Mrs. Mason's leg can carry her._

_Brother, I beseech you, take immediate action. The horror of our plight
cannot be exaggerated. Do something--anything. Misrepresent facts,
corrupt honesty, suborn the faithful, but--procure a cook._

_My maw reminds me that it is the hour of grape-nuts, so I must go._

_BERRY._

_P.S.--If you can't raise one, I shouldn't come back. Just go to some
high place and quietly push yourself off. It will be simpler and avoid a
scene which would be painful to us both._

"That's rather worse than the advertisement," said Daphne. "But, as
Jonah is accustomed to your Interpretation of the art of letter-writing,
I suppose it doesn't much matter."

"When," said Berry, "you are making yourself sick upon _tete de veau en
tortue_ and _crepes Suzette_, I shall remind you of those idle words."

* * * * *

The advertisement appeared for the first time on Thursday morning.

As I entered the dining-room at half-past nine--

"It's in," said Jill. "On the front page."

"Yes," said Berry, "it's most arresting. Applicants will arrive from all
over the kingdom. It's inevitable.