er confusion. At length, after the usual compliments, she
thus addressed him: 'I am determined to conquer this false shame. There
is not a worse symptom in human nature than that we blush to own what we
have not been afraid to do. From you, Sir John, I heard the first
remonstrance which ever reached my ears. You ought to be informed of its
effect. You can not have forgotten our conversation in my coach, after
we had quitted the scene which filled you with contempt for me, and me
with anguish for the part I had acted. You reasonably supposed that my
remorse would last no longer than the scene which had inspired it. You
left me alone. My lord dined abroad. I was abandoned to all the horrors
of solitude. I wanted somebody to keep me from myself. Mrs. Stokes
dying! her husband dead! the sweet flower-girl pining for want--and I
the cause of all! The whole view presented such a complication of misery
to my mind, and of guilt to my heart, as made me unsupportable to
myself.

"'It was Saturday! I was of course engaged to the opera. I was utterly
unfit to go, but wanted courage to frame an excuse. Fortunately Lady
Bell Finley, whom I had promised to chaperon, sent to excuse herself.
This set my person at liberty, but left my mind upon the rack. Though I
should have rejoiced in the company even of my own chambermaid, so much
did I dread being left to my own thoughts, yet I resolved to let no one
in that night. I had scarcely passed a single evening out of the giddy
circle for several years. For the first time in my life I was driven to
look into myself. I took a retrospect of my past conduct--a confused and
imperfect one indeed. This review aggravated my distress. Still I
pursued my distracting self-inquisition. Not for millions would I pass
such another night!

"'I had done as wrong things before, but they had never been thus
brought home to me. My extravagance must have made others suffer, but
their sufferings had not been placed before my eyes. What was not seen,
I had hoped might not be true. I had indeed heard distant reports of the
consequences of my thoughtless expense, but they might be invented--they
might be exaggerated. At the flower-maker's I _witnessed_ the ruin I had
made--I _saw_ the fruits of my unfeeling vanity--I _beheld_ the
calamities I had caused. O how much mischief would such actual
observation prevent! I was alone. I had no dependant to qualify the
deed, no sycophant to divert my attention to more soothin