m them
with books of heathen philosophy, and then bid them go and be good
Christians? Don't we teach them to admire the heroes and gods of the
old poets, when there is hardly one hero, and certainly not one god, who
would not in this country have been tried at the Old Bailey, if not
executed at Tyburn? And as to the goddesses, if they had been brought
before us on the bench, brother Stanley, there is scarcely one of them
but we should have ordered to the house of correction. The queen of
them, indeed, I should have sent to the ducking-stool for a scold.

"Then again, don't we tell our sons when men that they must admire a
monarchical government, after every pains have been taken, when they
were boys, to fill them with raptures for the ancient republics?"

"Surely, Mr. Flam," said Sir John, "the ancient forms of government may
be studied with advantage, were it only to show us by contrast the
superior excellence of our own."

"We might," said Miss Sparkes, in a supercilious accent, "learn some
things from them which we much want. You have been speaking of economy.
These republicans, whom Mr. Flam is pleased to speak of with so much
contempt, he must allow, had some good, clever contrivances to keep down
the taxes, which it would do us no harm to imitate. Victories were much
better bargains to them than they are to us. A few laurel leaves or a
sprig of oak was not quite so dear as a pension."

"But you will allow, madam," said Sir John, smiling, "that a triumph was
a more expensive reward than a title?"

Before she had time to answer, Mr. Flam said: "Let me tell you, Miss
Sparkes, that as to triumphs, our heroes are so used to them at sea,
that they would laugh at them at home. Those who obtain triumphs as
often as they meet their enemies, would despise such holiday play among
their friends. We don't to be sure reward them as your ancients did. We
don't banish them, nor put them to death for saving their country like
your Athenians. We don't pay them with a trumpery wreath like your
Romans. We English don't put our conquerors off with leaves; we give
them fruits, as cheerfully bestowed as they are fairly earned. God bless
them! I would reduce my table to one dish, my hall to one servant, my
stable to one saddle-horse, and my kennel to one pointer, rather than
abridge the preservers of old England of a feather."

"Signal exploits, if nationally beneficial," said Sir John, "deserve
substantial remuneration; and I am i